Thursday, January 31, 2013

Things That Are Almost As Painful As Giving Birth

Yesterday, J (4) tried to climb under my shirt.

Me: What are you doing?

J: I'm trying to get back in your belly.

Me: Oh no, sweetie. There's no going back in there! That's a one way ticket.

Giving birth.

What kind of words come to mind?

Exciting. Scary. Nervous. Concerning. Pain. Terrifying. Exhausting. Exhilarating. Pain. Joyous. Help. Epidural. Delivery. C-section. Contractions. Pain. Adventure. New Chapter. Medication. Pain. Doctor. Midwife. Baby. Love. Pain.

Look. I'm not gonna lie. Giving birth is painful. It may be more painful for some than others but it is painful.

It is worth it? TOTALLY. I love my boys. I am so blessed and thankful that I get to be their mommy. Sometimes I am so overcome by the love I feel for them, I feel like my heart will burst.

I wish there was some other way to get that little baby out, but unfortunately, that is how it works. You have to give birth to get that little sucker out of there.

But, lucky me (or rather unlucky me) I have experienced a few things that are just as painful.

So, if you are a guy or a mom-to-be, here are some comparisons so you have an idea of what childbirth feels like. Because I am helpful like that.

5. A Car Running Over Your Foot. Yep, when I was 17 my dad ran over my foot with his car. He felt horrible about it and he didn't want me to tell the doctor how I hurt it. But since I was wearing white Keds and you could see tire tracks, it was pretty obvious. You can read more about it here.
4. Getting Bashed In The Head With A Sippy Cup. I am sure it may be hard to believe, seeing as I live such a gangsta life, but I have never been pistol whipped. Although I have been sippy cup whipped. I imagine the excruciating level of pain is about the same. It looks so innocent in their little hands, but do not be fooled. Beware the sippy cup!
3. Your Hip Rolling Out Of Place. When I was a young professional, I fell at work but caught myself which made my right hip roll out of joint. It was so so so painful. I remember sobbing while my boss wheeled me in a rolly chair down in the elevator to the curb so Hubby could help me into the car to take me to the doctor. The Workers Comp doctor was worthless but the Physical Therapist saved my life by putting my hip back in place. Whew! This took several days to get over.

2. Having My Nipple Used As a Ladder Rung. Once while I was sitting in our comfy armchair, Baby L (about one at the time) decided he would like to climb into Mommy's lap. He proceeded to scale me like a building, using my clothes like a ladder. At one point, I remember he reached up and grabbed my nipple between his tiny fingers to pull himself up. Holy Mother of All That Is Holy! To say it was painful is putting it mildly. To be honest, I don't remember all that much because I think I blacked out from the pain and woke up with him sitting on my lap, smiling his toothy baby grin.

1. Mastitis. For those of you who are not familiar with mastitis, let me enlighten you. It is an inflammation of the breast tissue cause by a blocked milk duct. This can occasionally occur when you are breast feeding your baby. This is might just be as bad a giving birth. This is the most awful, the most painful, my boob is on fire, it hurts to barely touch it, don't even look at it, I wish I could feed my hungry crying baby, am I a horrible mother, oh my gosh the pregnancy hormones are driving me crazy, sob, sob, sob. *Ahem.* Or something like that.

So, there's the list of things that are almost as painful as giving birth.

Um, okay, I just realized that three of the five happened after having kids. This is not going to make soon to be moms or soon to be dads excited about having kids.

Alright! Alright! Let's think happy thoughts!

Think about how sweet those babies are. They are so tiny and cuddly. They have that sweet baby smell. Look at those perfect tiny little fingers and toes. Look at how perfectly they sleep curled up on your chest. The first time they smile their little gummy baby smile. They are so sweet those babies!!

See, isn't that better? 

Happy thoughts, people! Happy thoughts!


  1. Happy Thoughts!!! My five year old head butted me today in the eyebrow region. His little head is HARD. It almost ranked up there as well. I nearly cried. Mastitis is awful!!!!

    1. Ouch, Kat! Those heads are hard and hurt like no other when you get bonked with one. Yes, Mastitis is horrible! Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!
      Nice to *see* you! :)

  2. Oh my god. I'm never having kids. Haha.

    1. No worries, Rachel! That what epidurals are for! Once you get an epidural, it's smooth sailing!
      Thanks for visiting! :)

  3. Love the post! glad to find your blog thru SITS GIRLS

  4. Yes there are things more painful than giving birth, but none of them over the great reward of a child at the end of it all.

  5. Ha! Totally get the ladder rung thing! Funny.

  6. OMG...I could have written this post babe...same things have happened to me. I had mastitis for two months straight, continuous infections in either breast, it was horrific. More painful then being forced to do situps two hours after having a csection.


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