Wednesday, February 18, 2015

A Conversation With My Cleaning Products

Before kids, I was the "Queen of Clean".  

Once a week, I would religiously clean my floors, dust, vacuum, Clorox, etc.  I was the kind of person who made sure the display towels hung side by side at the same length.  

Some might say I was "Anal Retentive".  I prefer "Highly Organized".  (Eh, To-may-toe, To-mah-toe.)

Anyways, I have spoken before about how it is cleaning your house after kids. Below is a recent conversation between myself and my cleaning products.

Me: Hey, how's it going?

Pledge: *Silence.*

Me: Look, I know it's been a while.

Pledge: A while? Try 2 months.

Me: I have been so busy.

Pledge: Really? Not even a little end table?

Me: I mean it's crazy!  I barely have time for the Clorox wipes -

Pledge: Oh...I see. You have time for the Clorox wipes.

Clorox wipes:  Ha ha!  She loves me more.

Me: (To Clorox wipes.) Be quiet!  (To Pledge.) It's not like that.

Pledge: What is it "like"?

Me: *Sigh.* I'll try to do better.

Pledge: Yeah, yeah.

Sassy cleaning products!

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

My Interview With Vogue

Vogue: Let's talk about what you're wearing today.

Me: I'm wearing skinny jeans, black and white plaid flannel shirt, grey leopard print scarf and motorcycle boots.

Vogue: Trendy. Very nice.

Me: Thanks. It's my one ace-in-the-hole.

Vogue: So tell me a little about your style.

Me: My style?

Vogue: Yes, your style. For example, think of what you would wear on a typical day.

Me: Whatever is clean.

Vogue: And what would those clean clothes look like?

Me: A long sleeved t-shirt and jeans. My typical momiform.

Vogue: *Horrified.* Did you say 'momiform'? As in 'mom uniform'.

Me: Pretty witty, right?

Vogue: That's awful.

Me: Oh, come on. Think of those doctors and nurses in their scrubs. I think they rock those pretty well. And so comfortable. Maybe I should wear scrubs everyday...

Vogue: Okay, switching topics, how about the summertime? What accessories do you wear?

Me: Um, do kids count?

Vogue: *Eyeroll.* How about a long necklace?

Me: So the kids will try to swing on it? No thanks.

Vogue: How about cute, dangly earrings?

Me: So they can be ripped out of my ear lobes? I'll pass.

Vogue: Do you at least have a skin care regime?

Me: Oh, oh! Yes, I do! I use First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Cream!

Vogue: Now, we are getting somewhere. And what else?

Me: Um, I wash my face in the shower?

Vogue: With?

Me: Soap?

Vogue: *Sighs.* I think that's a wrap.

Me: *Nudges with shoulder.* Hey, but I do look super cute and trendy today, right?

Vogue: I'll give you that.

Okay, that wasn't really an interview with Vogue. But that is how I imagine it would go down.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Nothing Tastes As Good As Thin Feels Except Maybe Some Nachos

Would you like to know what lies in the deepest, darkest corner of my mind? What tries to hide amongst the cobwebs and the dust bunnies?


No, you heard right.

It's no secret that I am not the healthiest eater out there.

If I get to choose between a cheeseburger with fries or grilled chicken with veggies, I'll choose the burger every time.

Growing up, when it was my Dad's weekend, we used to go to McDonald's for A LOT of our meals, so much so, that the lady in the drive-thru asked my dad out. On a date. 

True story.

With my mom being a single mom and working two jobs, our dinners usually consisted of things that were quick like frozen pizza or sandwiches.

So learning to eat a variety of foods and making sure to eat lots of fruits and veggies, well, not so much.

In an effort to loose some weight and eat healthier, I started counting my calories last summer. I started my caloric adventure towards the end of July and am still at it. (Note: I did not want to starve myself so I cut back around 300 calories from the recommended daily caloric intake.)

I'm not gonna lie.

That first month was rough.

Not only had I been eating way too much but I was eating all bad stuff so my body was like, "What the heck is this?! Don't make me cut a b*#@%$!"

But slowly my body began to enjoy the good stuff, like fruits and veggies. And my body didn't even miss the fast food.

Counting my calories really lets me see what I am putting into my body. Even if you just tried it for a week, it is an eye opening experience to really examine what you are eating. A food journal would accomplish the same result.

Before when I would read the nutritional label for the amount of calories, I would consider it, then go ahead and eat my desired portion.

For example, I love mayo. And I always put mayo on my sandwich. But I never measured the amount.

Now, I measure out a serving size (which is a tablespoon) and I use that. Now I know for sure how many calories I am having.

For me, the great thing about counting calories is that I can eat what I want as long as it's within my daily amount. We have also found if we make something at home, like pizza, instead of ordering out, we can control what and how much goes into our food.

I've tried diets and they don't work for me. Whatever they tell you to omit that is what my body craves.

The result is that I have lost weight and am maintaining my lower weight while at the same time eating healthier.

How am I eating healthier?

Really, it's just simple math.

If you are cutting back on your calories in an effort to lose weight, you eat less. Fruits and especially veggies have less calories so you can eat more of them.

Once you lose the weight, you can slowly start to add more to your caloric intake to see how much you can consume to maintain your ideal weight.

Since I am eating healthier, this means my kids are eating healthier too. (Okay maybe they are not eating veggies all the time but I am offering it to them.)

Life is an adventure. And food is part of that adventure. Yes, you want to eat food that is healthy but sometimes you really want that cheeseburger. (If you are like me, then you want that cheeseburger A LOT.)

And you can have that cheeseburger.

Just not everyday.

Everything in moderation, right? (Except hugs and kisses. You can give and take as many of those as you want. Especially from your babies.)

So while getting dressed and putting on my smaller pants size, I decide that nothing tastes as good as thin feels...except maybe some nachos.