Thursday, November 29, 2012

Caillou Gets Schooled

Hello everybody! *Waves.* I know it's been a while since I've posted anything on the blog.

See, I was sick with a stomach virus. (It was worse than death. Would not have wished it upon my worst enemy.)  

Then both boys got ear infections and had to take Amoxicillan (sp?). And this medicine does bad, bad, BAD things to may baby's stomach. *Shudders.*

Then we celebrated Thanksgiving. (Yes, Thanksgiving day was quite lovely. Thanks for asking.)

Then, the day after Thanksgiving, Baby L got the stomach virus. (It was bad news. Let's put it this way. I'm thinking of a word that rhymes with "comet".)

And last, but not least, Hubby got the stomach virus as well. My poor sick Hubby!

*Sigh.* But you probably don't want to hear about all that. (Or maybe you do. You bunch of sickos. Hey, don't be upset! Sickos are my favorite type of people.)

Anyway, earlier this week I tweeted about Caillou and how he drives me looney.  I got a bunch of responses so it seems like there is a mass shared annoyance when it comes to this whiny, mean, bald-headed 4 year old kid.

So, I started thinking. (I know. Scary stuff, eh?) I thought that if I DID have to watch Caillou, then there might be a few episodes I could stomach.

  • Caillou Gets Schooled. In this episode, after once again yelling, "No Rosie!" in his sister's face, she pops him in the nose.  Then, Rosie says, "NO CAILLOU!", then she smiles and walks out.
  • Mommy Screams at Caillou. Here's the deal. Caillou's mom NEVER gets upset. That is not reality. It's so unrealistic. I mean let's see some realism like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Anyway, in this episode, after once again yelling and being mean to Rosie, his mom snaps and says, "That's it, Caillou! I am tired of you talking to your sister that way! You go straight to your room and do not come out until I say so!" Then, she promptly scoops up Rosie to give her a hug, then poors herself a glass of wine.
  • Caillou Goes to the Doctor. In this episode, Daddy takes Caillou to the doctor to see why a HEALTHY FOUR YEAR OLD BOY HAS NO HAIR.
  • Daddy Puts Caillou in Time Out. In this episode, after playing outside with his family, Rosie wants to play with Rexie. Caillou snatches it out of her hands and screams, "No Rosie! Rexie is my toy!" Daddy walks over and promptly snatches it back from Caillou and says, "That is unacceptable Caillou! You do not speak to your sister that way. You go sit on the bench for time-out."  Daddy then turns to Rosie, gives her a hug and says, "I'm sorry Caillou was mean. Let's go get you a banana split and a unicorn."
If I HAD to watch Caillou, I think I could stomach the episodes listed above.

What about you?  Do you have a soft spot for Caillou? Or does he chaff something fierce?

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Memory? What Memory?

This is your brain before kids...

People who have kids can divide their lives into two parts - Before Kids and After Kids.

Before kids, I was a different person than I am now.  Not necessarily better or worse, just different.  (Even though, I'd like to think I am a more patient person now that I have kids.)

You see, before kids, I was forgetful. (You thought I was going to say I had a good memory? Ah, no. I am going to give it to you straight, pilgrim. I am going to shoot from the hip. I am going... *Ahem.* I got carried away there.)

As I was saying, before kids, I was forgetful.  I would excitedly begin to tell Hubby a story when he interrupts by saying, "Michelle, you have told me this story five times already."

To which I would snap, "Well, just pretend like it's the first time you're hearing it!"

Now, after kids, I am still forgetful.  I make a grocery list and get home to realize I have forgotten half of the things on my list. Also, everytime I go to the grocery, I think we need more mustard. I get home and we already have four bottles of mustard. We don't even use mustard! WHO DOES THIS?!

I also lose my train of thought. Do you like cheese? I love all kinds of cheeses....

What was I saying?  Oh right!

I would like to think that some of the few memory brain cells that were still effective passed on to my children during birth.

On Halloween, we watch a five minute cartoon clip about a square pumpkin saving a scarecrow who is in danger of being burned by fire. They only watched five minutes because I quickly realized this may be too scary for the boys so I changed the channel.

Last night, J says, "Mama, can you tell me about the pumpkin that saves the scarecrow?"

Whaaa??  He remembers that crazy little clip that he saw weeks ago! He saw it only one time. One. Time. I can't remember things I've seen a million times! Except for my uncanny ability to remember actors, the movies they starred in and movie quotes. Yeah for useless talents!

Hooray! The few memory brain cells that did still work passed on to my kids.  This makes me feel better. I may not have all my mental ducks in a row but my boys do.

Fast forward to this morning, Baby L is playing with Legos as he has a MILLION times before. He knows he is not supposed to put things in his mouth. Baby L decides to stick a small one in this mouth.

Okay, so we may need to revise my previous statement.  Maybe both my boys didn't get all of my working memory cells. 

Let's just say the "jury's still out'.

Monday, November 12, 2012

But My Scarf Is Really Cute

Last Thursday, I woke up extra early to get ready for the day.  I got up in plenty of time to get dressed before the kids woke up.  I even put on full make-up AND picked out a cute scarf.

I know. I am your hero.

Anyway, I got the kids up, breakfast and out the door to take J to preschool. After dropping of J and getting a few big hugs, Baby L and I were off like a herd of turtles.

First stop, the library!  Picked up my books from the hold shelves, then headed over to the kids area so Baby L could play for a few minutes.

The librarian raised an eyebrow as if to say "I see you stepped it up a notch today, mama. Nice work." I greeted her with a warm hello.  I was feeling sassy with a fully made up face and a super cute scarf.

After letting Baby L play for about 20 minutes, I scooped him up with minimal protest and headed to the car.

Next stop, the grocery.

I decided to go to the super Kroger so I could treat myself to some Starbucks coffee.  They also have a really big toy section AND they give kids cookies.  See! I told you it was super.
After entering the store, I strap Baby L into the car cart and begin our adventure. (Yes, the LARGE cart with the car at the end. I am aware everyone loves the car cart. But if it buys me five minutes of peace, I'm gonna do it!)

White chocolate mocha. Check!

Free sugar cookie for Baby L. Check!

Checking out the extra large toy section. Check!

Life is good. I am drinking my coffee.  Enjoying myself. Feeling cute and sassy with my make-up and beautiful scarf. And did I mention I even wore knee high boots?!?!

So, I let Baby L peruse the toys for a while, then I hand him a monster truck to look at while I finish shopping.

I need to grab a few things like bread, milk, bacon, cheese and beer. Why beer? Because, well, I have children.

Anyway, the beer is the last thing to go into the cart on the way to the cashier. 

After loading all of my items onto the conveyer belt, the beer is the last to be placed up there.

The young cashier greets me warmly. He asks how I am doing and smiles at Baby L.

He scans all of my items and hands them to the bag boy.  He gets to the beer and runs it over the scanner.

Anticipating the request for my ID, I take out my driver's license and wait for him to ask to see it.

After scanning the beer, he turns his head and yells to the Customer Service desk, "I need someone to ring up this beer." I realize he is under 21 so he needs to have someone else ring up the alcohol.

I say, "Do you need to see my ID?"

He says, "No, that's okay."

Whaaa?? You don't need to see my ID?? Are you sure?!?! But my scarf is really cute! And I have on mascara and blush!

I say, "Oh, Okay."  and place my ID back into my wallet. 

Fine! I am older than twenty-one. I am not a spring chicken. But you know what?! I have knowledge! And wisdom! And two sweet baby boys! And a great husband! And I have a mortgage! Okay, well, the mortage is NOT quite so great. But you get the idea.

So, admittedly my ego was wounded that he did not ask for my ID.

But I my make-up DID look good. AND my scarf was really cute.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

I'm In Training

Bet you didn't know I'm in training?

*Looks around. Whispers.* I didn't know it either.

Wait! Don't go anywhere! Yes, I am a bit crazy...okay fine! I'm a lot crazy but hear me out.

You see, everyday, I give it my all. I strive for 100%. My daily regime may give even the most disciplined athlete pause. I want to be the best - the fastest actually.

If you are a parent, chances are you are also in training to be the fastest.

"But Michelle," you say, "the fastest at what?"

In short, the fastest at EVERYTHING.

Each day, I train diligently to be the best at:

  • World's Fastest Bather
  • World's Fastest Eater
  • World's Fastest Drinker
  • World's Fastest Nose Blower
  • World's Fastest Shoe Tie-er
  • World's Fastest Pooper
  • World's Fastest Pee-er
  • World's Fastest Writer
  • World's Fastest Reader
  • World's Fastest Shopper
  • World's Fastest Dresser
  • World's Fastest Cleaner
  • World's Fastest Bill Payer
  • World's Fastest Diaper Changer
  • World's Fastest Dishwasher
  • World's Fastest Teethbrusher
I know. It is an extensive list and you marvel at my commitment and dedication to such an extreme goal of being the fastest at almost everything.

And, I'm sure many of you out there would be excellent competitors for the title of "World's Fastest".

But, just so you know, you will be going up against who takes this very seriously. (It took me 48 seconds to write this post. *Shirt pop.*)

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

7 Signs That You're Ready To Be a Parent

For those of you without kids, you may wonder when is the right time to have kids.  How will you know when is the perfect time?

Well, let me tell you!
There is never a perfect time to have kids.

There is always going to be something you wish you had or something you wish you did or something you wish you had more of.

If people waited until the perfect time, as a species, we would die out.


There are some signs that will let you know that you are ready to be a parent.

7 Signs That You're Ready To Be A Parent

7. Your social life ends at 8pm.

6. You don't mind being covered in food or other people's bodily fluids.

5. You admire Hurricane Sandy's decoration skills and think you may redo your home in this decor.

4. You feel a certain kinship with those people featured on Hoarders.

3. You consider Barney, the Wiggles and Dora "just good television".

2. You think "dressing up" consists of brushing your teeth AND putting on deodorant.

1. You believe sleep is overrated and are comfortable with 4 hours of sleep a night.

So, if you are experiencing some of these signs then congratulations! You are ready to be a parent! (That or you are a bit crazy.)

Wait a minute... Crazy? Parents? They just might be the same thing....

Saturday, November 3, 2012

I Don't Even Like Ham

One afternoon while Baby L was napping, Jeff and I were hanging out in our room with J. We were watching PBS.

I adore PBS.  They have great non-violent, educational cartoons for the kids and they have a lot of great programming for adults. Jeff and I like their nature shows and their musical performances.

This particular day, we were watching a biography on The Mamas and The Papas.

J was playing with some toys and wasn't really watching the TV.  Every once and a while, he would look up and watch for a minute, then go back to playing.

At one point, the biography showed The Mamas and The Papas up on stage singing.  J looks up at the TV and listens to them sing for a minute.

J: *Pointing at the TV.* That looks like you, Mama.

Me: What?!  Who looks like me?

J: *Walks up to TV and points to Mama Cass.* You look like her.

Jeff: *Sprawled out on the bed. Roaring with laughter.*

Me: *Stifling a laugh.* You think I look like her?! I don't look like her!

Jeff: *Now howling with laughter with tears streaming down his face.*

J: *Smiling. Looking from Jeff to me. Starts laughing.*

Me: *Rolls my eyes. Shakes my head.* I'm gonna get you, J!

My baby thinks I look like Mama Cass!!  OMG! This is the lady that is rumored to have choked on a ham sandwich.  No disrespect but this lady was a really huge lady! There is no way I look like her. I don't even like ham!
Okay folks, I know I have not returned to the glory days of my pre-baby body shape but I'm only a few pounds above my previous weight post-baby. (Granted things sit a little differently. *Ahem.*) But I am no where near her size!

Why would my sweet boy say that to me?! Maybe to get me fired up?  If so, it worked! Maybe to be funny? It made Jeff roar with laughter. (What a little comedian!)

I believe he was talking about her hair. We both have similar hair styles - long and dark brown. At least I THINK that's what he meant.  

Let's go with that.