Saturday, September 29, 2012

No I'm Not A Drug Dealer

Those of you that follow me on Twitter may have noticed my whining mentioning my boys were sick this week.

Little J (3.5) gets sick on Monday night with 103 temperature, chills, cough, and runny nose.  Visit to the doctor tells me what I already feared - the ambiguous "virus". Baby L (1.5) follows closely behind with a 103 temperature of his own Thursday morning.

My poor little guys!  There is nothing worse than sick kids.  Am I right or am I right?!

You can just tell by looking at them that they feeling sick. The eyes give it away. You wish you could take the pain away but all you can do is treat the symptoms. Totally breaks my heart. *Sniff.* (See you thought I was such a bad a. When I cut, I bleed too, people!)

The boys will be going along playing like usual, then they start to droop.  You know immediately when their fever spikes because they start to wilt just like a flower.

Your normally self-sufficient kid becomes whiny, clingy and needy (or your normally whiny kid becomes whinier).  *Ahem.* They don't sleep well.  They don't eat well. They are fussy about everything.

And the drama! People tell me, "Be glad you have boys so you don't have to worry about the drama!" Uh, have you met my boys?! They would give the Academy Awards a run for their money.

Never in your life have you felt like you have ever been so wanted or desired. 




I kept the boys in the house most of the week.  J missed preschool on Tuesday since he had a fever and looked so awful. We stayed holed up in the house all week long, keeping our germs to ourselves until today.

I had to get out.

And go where, you ask?

Isn't it obvious?!

The Library!! 

I had some new books that had arrived on hold and several items that needed to go back, lest I incur a late fee. (Quelle Horreur!)

So after quickly dressing my kids and myself, we all pile in the car.  Since everyone slept late and they haven't been really eating anything anyway, I decide to grab them some powdered donuts for breakfast. (THIS I know they will eat!)

While I am driving and sipping my coffee in the front seat, the boys are mealing on the powdered donuts in the backseat.  They yell out, "Mama!", when they want a donut, then I hand one to them. They tear into that donut like Mr. Peepers eating an apple.

I'm finally relaxing a little (which is saying something because if you have ever driven in Lexington traffic you know it is "crazytown"). I have my coffee. They boys are sitting back there, contained and quiet for the moment. *Sigh.* It's nice.

After pulling into a parking lot at the library, I tell both boys we are only going inside to pick up mommy's books.  I tell them there will be no playing in the kids area today because they are sick.

After my informative speech to the masses, I get out of the car, walk around to J's side and open the door.

His mouth, shirt, hands, and pants are covered in powdered sugar. He smiles at me with little pieces of donuts in-between his teeth because he is so happy having just had some.  I get him out of the car and dust him off the best I can, then I go to get Baby L out of his seat.  He is worse shape, if that's possible, because there is powdered sugar in his hair.

As for me, my hair is a hot mess as I have not even bothered to brush it or put it in a ponytail.  I can't even remember if I brushed my teeth. I have on one of Jeff's shirts and a pair of leggings.  My face is impassive as I focus on getting to the "books on hold" section as quickly as possible, then getting the heck out.

Yikes.  I don't think I thought this through.  All of us have blood shot eyes because we are tired and the boys don't feel well. Both have powdered sugar on their mouths and clothes. Both boys are clinging on to me saying, "Mommy please!"

I have a sudden realization that I look like a drug dealer and my kids looks like little crack addicts.  Me, looking like I am indifferent to their pleading and pulling. The boys, clinging to me begging for more (really begging to go into the kid's area). 

Holy canole!  Of all the looks I was going for, this was definitely not in my top ten.

And to answer your question, no I'm not a drug dealer.  (In fact, I've never even done drugs.  If you must know, I'm a goody two shoes. So there.)  Drugs are not my thing.

Now bacon...well...  If you are in need of some bacon, I might be able to locate some for you. For the right price...

Disclaimer: Before you start sending me hate mail, please know that I take drug addiction very seriously. People very close to me are currently battling with drug addiction. My heart goes out to those who are trying to beat a drug, alcohol or any type of harmful addiction. 

I am not advocating the use of illegal drugs.  I think using illegal drugs are harmful to oneself, not to mention breaking the law - which I am also not an advocate of.

Unless bacon is outlawed. Then I might have to break the law.

Kidding. Kidding. (Well mostly.)

Thursday, September 27, 2012

The Movie Matching Game

My favorite hobby is reading.  There is nothing like getting lost in a good book.

When I get an email from the library informing me that my requested book has arrived, I am so pumped.

If there's a book I want and the library doesn't have it, I fill out the "Request New Media" form. And when I see the book is on order, I immediately put a "hold request" on that book and dance a little jig.

My favorite books are dystopian society series.  Love, love, love them.  

If there's a book coming out that I want to read, I make a note of it on my calendar. Then, I make sure I am able to access the book as soon as possible so I can devour it.

What?! Doesn't everybody?!

Now, if I don't have a good book to read, my next favorite thing is to watch a movie.  I enjoy a good movie, especially if I can see it in the theater.  (Sitting in the theater, watching the big screen with surround sound, eating movie popcorn with a big soda! Am I right or am I right?!)

This got me thinking. (I know. It's a very sobering thought, but stay with me!) There are a lot of movies out there that could relate to parenthood.

I'm sure some of you have watched a movie and thought, "That could be the title of a movie about parenting!"  (No? Nobody? Maybe it's just me?! *Ahem.* Moving on...)

Anyway, without further ado, here is a list of some movie titles that could have been about parenting"

* It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World - This movie title sounds like it could describe our life with kids. I don't really think I need to expand on this one. You guys know where I'm coming from.

* 300 - This movie could be about the number of times a day I tell my kids "No". "No, don't touch that." "No, you can't put that puzzle piece in your mouth." "No, don't stick that in your butt."  See what I mean?!

* The Neverending Story - This movie could totally be about the laundry. I think my laundry bin has magical powers because it is never empty. It. Never. Ends.

* Fight Club - This movie could be about trying to get my kids into bed each night.  Every night, there is DRA-MA! I mean, honestly! My kids act like going to bed each night is a HUGE surprise.

* Mission: Impossible - This movie could be about potty-training.  Whew boy! Your mission, when you choose to accept it, is going to involve some serious patience, cleaning/scrubbing, yelling and hair pulling. This is not for the faint of heart.

* Braveheart - This movie could be about the first day of preschool or the first day of kindergarten.  On the first day of school, moms (and kids) have to be strong and brave to embark on uncharted territory to allow your little one to spread their wings. *Sniff.*

* The Sixth Sense - The movie could be about the feeling I get when I just know my kid is doing something naughty.  If my kid has been out of my site for over five minutes and I can't hear them, especially if they are with their sibling, chances are they are up to no good. It's like an internal silent alarm.

* Pretty Woman - This movie could be about how I feel when I am able to take more than 5 minutes on my beauty regime.  When I can do things like actually put on make-up, shower for more than 2 minutes and wear accessories, I feel like a pretty woman.

* Psycho - This movie could be about how I will go crazy on your monkey a, if I don't get at least a few minutes of alone time each day. I will wipe, clean, cook, scrub, dress, undress, tie, hug, kiss, hold, lift, feed, help, and wash my kids all day long. And I will do it gladly. I just need a few minutes, like thirty, to myself to keep my sanity. TRUST ME ON THIS.

* It's A Wonderful Life - This could be a movie about our life with kids.  Because even though it's exhausting, stressful, chaotic and overwhelming at times, being a parent is a huge blessing and nothing else really compares. I am thankful to be mommy to these two amazing little boys.

So, what say you?  Have any movie titles you think sound like they could be about parenting?

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Keeping The Romance Alive

Here's the deal.

I know things. Yes, it may come as a shock to a great many of you. (I don't let too many people in on this little secret. But I figure you and I are friends so it's okay.)

I know how to make the perfect grilled cheese and avocado.

I know what goes on behind the scenes in an Office of Admissions.

I know how to stay sane while staying-at-home with two little boys. (Okay, well maybe I don't know how to do this one very well, but still! I am somewhat adept, right? I mean, I'm able to right a witty post or two here and there. Wait! Don't answer that.)

I also know how to keep the romance alive.  Being married for more than 10+ years, I figure I am somewhat of an expert.

An expert, you say?  Surely you jest, you say?  No, dear readers.  (*Places hand on heart.*) I am expert on how to keep the passion and the romance alive between you and your beloved.  And I will now impart my wisdom upon you.

Move over Dr. Phil, Dr. Ruth and Dr. Drew!

*Pillow talk. While getting ready for bed the other night, Hubby (lounging in the bed watching TV) yells, "Come on in here and cuddle with me, you big battle ax!"  Ladies, I don't know about you but when someone whispers (or in this case yells from the other room) these types of sweet nothings in your ear, I can hardly contain myself.  Use of the words "big" and "battle ax" equate to some serious romance in my book.

*Fun Couple Games. One of our favorite couple games to play is "Let's See Who Can Stack The Recycling Bin The Highest Before They Cave In And Take The Recycling Out To The Curb." These fun couple games help to engage with your partner (and by engage I mean pretend like you are oblivious to the huge pile of plastics until you can't take it anymore and finally take the recyclables outside). It's good to have common interests in a partnership.

*The Element of Surprise. Who doesn't enjoy a break from the monotony?  Who doesn't like to do something spontaneously every once and a while to mix things up?  Take us for example. Hubby bought J (3) a Nerf shotgun under the pretense that J will love playing with it.  When in reality, Hubby bought the Nerf gun so he can leap out of unforeseen places and attack me with it.  I can be traipsing through the house, minding my own business, when at anytime I could be pelted in the neck with Nerf bullets. Folks, if this does not scream "ROMANCE", then I don't know what does.

Now, the list is endless really, but a lady cannot divulge ALL of her secrets. *Ahem.*

So, if you need help keeping the romance alive, just use one of these fail safe methods mentioned above. Or get creative! The point is that you are trying to woo your partner and that's what counts.

Go forth and romance!


Saturday, September 15, 2012

Twas The Night Before Preschool

Twas the night before preschool and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring. Well, actually, there was a three year old who did not want to go to sleep because that is his usual MO. Add to that the excitement of the first day or preschool and forget it! Early bedtime is out the window.

Wait. This is not how the poem was supposed to go. Ah, screw it.

Anyway, the night before preschool, Hubby and I were snuggling with J in his bed talking about how fun preschool was going to be.

J: I'm a little scared, mama.

My sweet little guy!  This is something new for him.  He is going to be a little nervous and a little scared.  Isn't everyone when faced with a new experience?

After more cuddles and reassurance that preschool is going to be totally awesome, we finally get him to sleep.

Walking back into my room, I pause to look into the mirror.  Any tears yet? No.  Am I going to be bawling tomorrow?  I don't think so but I am not for certain. Will J shed some tears? I sure hope not. Don't know if my heart could take it.

Morning arrives and I take some time to get up before the kids to have a few moments to collect myself.  I take another look in the mirror and give myself a pep talk. This is a good thing!  Preschool is going to help him grow as a little person. He is going to learn new things and make new friends. This is a happy day!

After waking J and Baby L (22 mo), we head downstairs for breakfast.  I make his favorite, cinnamon rolls and bananas. (Okay I didn't MAKE the bananas but I did unpeel and hand it to him. Semantics, people.)

Now, J is a talker. When I say talker, I mean he talks ALL THE TIME.  The only time he is quiet is when he sleeps. Scratch that. He even talks in his sleep. But this morning, he is uncharacteristically quiet.

I imagine he is envisioning what preschool will be like.  He must be thinking of all of the things he will do today. J is probably trying to wrap his mind around what going to school really means and what it will be like for him.

I get the kids dressed, grab my coffee and we all head to the car. J has his new cool space robot backpack with his name on it. We are all smiles as we get buckled in the car.

(On the way there) J: Mama, I'm a little nervous.

Me: It's okay to be nervous. It's your first day of school. But you are going to have so much fun! You are going to play games, read stories, make crafts, have snacks, play outside and make new friends. It is going to be fun!

(Catching my enthusiasm) J: Yeah! It's going to be awesome!

Upon arriving at preschool, I work on getting both boys out of the car, making sure J has his backpack.

(As we walk towards the school) Me: J, it's your first day of preschool! This is going to be so fun! You are going to have a great day today!

In my head, I am telling myself to be cool.  Just be cool self.  This is a happy day. A great day!

Before we know it, we are at J's classroom. I help him take off his backpack and put it in the bin in the hallway. I give him a big hug.

(Hugging J) Me: I love you, J! Have a great day! I'll see you at lunchtime.

J looks at me, then turns to look at his teacher. She gives him a hug and says: Why don't you go inside and pick out a toy you'd like to play with?

BAM! *Trail of dust.* And like that, he is gone and forgot all about me.

Now, lest you think there were no tears, let's not forget about Baby L!  He DID NOT like leaving big brother. Baby L wanted to stay and play too.  He cried and cried.  In fact, Baby L did not stop wailing until we rolled into the library parking lot with a promise to play with the trains in the play area.

We did it! I did it! No tears for J and no tears for mama.  We were both a little nervous and a little scared but it went swimmingly.

The rest of the morning flew by.  I got to spent some one-on-one time with sweet Baby L which was new for us but so very special. And before I knew it, it was time to go pick up J.

While waiting in the pick-up line, I wondered how his day went.  I hoped J had a great first day.

I see him walk out of the front doors armed with a smile and the "snack box". (A little 'Welcome to Preschool', your the snack wench for the next day!) J runs over and jumps into to my outstretched arms. He says: Mommy!

Me: Did you have a good day?

J: It was so so fun!

Me: What did you do?

J: We had snacks, played outside, made a craft. We did everything!

(Heart swelling) Me: I am so glad, sweetie! I am so glad you had a great day!

So folks, at the end of our first day, everyone was happy. J had a great first day and nobody shed any tears. (Well okay, Baby L DID cry some but I meant no tears for Mommy and J.)

Here's hoping the rest of the year is as awesome!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I Can't Believe I Just Said That

Remember in kindergarten when the teacher asked you what you wanted to be when you grow up?

A fireman!

A police officer!

A doctor!

An astronaut!

Director of Admissions!

What? Nobody said Director of Admissions?! I guess that was just me. Well, it was me many, many years later - after college to be exact.

No, I guess Director of Admission is not something one aspires to early in life. You just kind of have to fall into it like I did.

Before deciding to stay-at-home with the kids, I had achieved my goal. I was Associate Director of Admissions. (Okay, not the top dog, but still! Just one ring below ain't bad.)

I loved my job. I got to work with college students, help recruit, oversee admission into the health programs and work with other departments in Student Affairs to develop new programs for students.
Now, lest you go thinking I had the red carpet rolled out for me, let me assure you that I paid my dues.  I worked several jobs that we enjoyable and not so enjoyable, as well as obtaining my Master's degree before I landed my Associate Director job.
One of those jobs was an Admissions Officer.  My Admissions Officer job was my first professional job. I had an office!  I had business cards!  I had arrived!

As an Admissions Officer, you are interacting with many different groups of people each day.  You are speaking with prospective students, current students, college staff and, of course, faculty.

Each program had a Director and the Admissions Officers would work with the Directors to get qualified students into the programs.
One of my favorite faculty members was Dr. Bill.  He was the Director of one of the engineering programs.  He was always quiet, reserved, well-spoken and very polite.  He was always patient and never demanded that I move his students to the top of the pile.

After being there only a couple of months, I remember he called me about a student applying to his program.  Our conversation went something like this.

Me: Good afternoon. College Admissions.  This is Michelle. How can I help you?

Dr. Bill:  Hi Michelle.  I was calling regarding Mr. Smith. I was hoping you could tell me his GPA.

Me: I'd be happy to, Dr. Bill.  I have his file right here. *Rustle papers.* Just give me a second.

Dr. Bill: Sure, no rush, Michelle.

Me: Okay. Here we go. For his Bastard's degree... Oh crap! Did I just curse out a faculty member?! Did I just say 'Bastard'? I can't believe I just said that!!! I'm going to be fired after only two months!


Me: Dr. Bill, I am so sorry! Mr. Smith has a Bachelor's degree and a Master's degree. And I guess I just accidentally combined the two.

Dr. Bill: *Chuckling.* Well, I was thinking that a 'Bastard's' degree was a new one on me! Don't worry about it, Michelle.

Me: Thanks, Dr. Bill. Again, I'm so sorry. I'll try to refrain from cursing you out in the future.

Dr. Bill: *Still laughing.* I'd appreciate that.
See?! You see why I liked this guy?! 
So needless to say, if he was not my favorite faculty member before, he was FOR SURE my favorite after this conversation.
The moral of the story is, well, there's not really a moral.  I guess more of a 'What NOT To Do'. Don't curse out your coworkers as it may not end as well as it did for me.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Shake Your Money Maker

You could be at Target pants shopping.

You could be in the middle of kitchen cooking dinner.

You could be at the grocery store in the produce section.

You could be walking to your car in the parking structure.

You could have just climbed out of the bathtub.


When the music moves you, you just gotta dance.  You feel a need to shake your money maker.

Don't try to fight it. It's useless. The more you tell yourself you can't, the more you will want to.

It will become an itch you can't scratch.  It will become that persistent eye twitch you can't shake.  IT'S NO USE.

Just go with it.

Like J. While in the mall, we passed 'Forever 21'.  Their music spilled out into the doorway as we walked by.  J was drawn to it.  The music spoke to him.

So, he did what he had to do. He went in there and danced.  The little man just had to move to the music.

So when you feel the music calling, don't deny it. Just shake your money maker.