Vogue: Let's talk about what you're wearing today.
Me: I'm wearing skinny jeans, black and white plaid flannel shirt, grey leopard print scarf and motorcycle boots.
Vogue: Trendy. Very nice.
Me: Thanks. It's my one ace-in-the-hole.
Vogue: So tell me a little about your style.
Me: My style?
Vogue: Yes, your style. For example, think of what you would wear on a typical day.
Me: Whatever is clean.
Vogue: And what would those clean clothes look like?
Me: A long sleeved t-shirt and jeans. My typical momiform.
Vogue: *Horrified.* Did you say 'momiform'? As in 'mom uniform'.
Me: Pretty witty, right?
Vogue: That's awful.
Me: Oh, come on. Think of those doctors and nurses in their scrubs. I think they rock those pretty well. And so comfortable. Maybe I should wear scrubs everyday...
Vogue: Okay, switching topics, how about the summertime? What accessories do you wear?
Me: Um, do kids count?
Vogue: *Eyeroll.* How about a long necklace?
Me: So the kids will try to swing on it? No thanks.
Vogue: How about cute, dangly earrings?
Me: So they can be ripped out of my ear lobes? I'll pass.
Vogue: Do you at least have a skin care regime?
Me: Oh, oh! Yes, I do! I use First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Cream!
Vogue: Now, we are getting somewhere. And what else?
Me: Um, I wash my face in the shower?
Vogue: *Sighs.* I think that's a wrap.
Me: *Nudges with shoulder.* Hey, but I do look super cute and trendy today, right?
Vogue: I'll give you that.
Okay, that wasn't really an interview with Vogue. But that is how I imagine it would go down.