Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Put On My Big Girl Pants

Last week, I took the boys with me to drop off J's preschool registration papers.  He will be starting preschool this fall. *Gulp.* Yes, as in a few weeks from now.

I know. I know. I'm late getting this stuff together.  I was born two weeks late because I was all "heck no I won't go"...and I've been running late ever since. Story of my life.

Anywho, on our way back home, we passed my old high school.  I say, "Look J! That is where mama went to high school.  High school is where the big kids go to school."

Taking in the huge school with the stadium, he looks at me wide-eyed and asks, "Mama, were you lonely there all by yourself?"

(Oh my heart can't take it!) I say, "Oh no sweetie!  Mama wasn't lonely.  I made some friends just like you will.  You will make friends, learn new things and play fun games. You won't be lonely."

Cautiously, I peer into the rear-view mirror to look at his sweet face to see if my words have made him feel any better.  I see him looking out the window with his face full of doubt and worry.  My heart is simultaneously so full yet threatens to break into a million pieces.

My baby.  My sweet boy will be going to preschool.  He is going to be under someone else's care.  He will be away from me for several hours at a time for a couple of days a week.

For our little family, this is a huge, ginormous, gigantic deal.  J has stayed at home with me since he was born and he, well if I'm being honest, we are nervous about him heading out into the world.

Why?  Well, there's a million reasons.  But it all comes down to this. There is no one other than my husband or myself who love this child more.  And because we love him so much, we are the best people to care for him. 

Admittedly, I am a wigster.  (What is a wigster you ask?  Well, a wigster is one who wigs out about any and all things, also known as a worrier.) Before kids, I was somewhat of a wigster, but after kids, I have full-blown wigsteritis.  (For clarification, I just suffer from wigsteritis in regards to my kids.  Most of the things I worried about before kids, don't seem so important now.)

Here's the thing.  My rational self tells me that going to preschool is good for J!  He will learn how to do things on his own and he will gain confidence and independence.  All good characters to have because that is what we want for him.  We want him to grow up to be a hard-working, compassionate, confident, God loving, independent person.  This is one small stepping stone on his journey.

But my emotional self tells me that he is still just a baby.  The thought of handing him over to someone else even for just a few hours threatens to break my heart in two.  No one will take care of him like I will.  No one knows better his likes and dislikes.  No one will know how to best comfort him when he gets upset.  No one loves him like I love him.
 
So, my brain is going to have to whip my heart into shape. I know this is going to be great for J!  Here he will start to develop independence and confidence that he will need for his own 'Journey of A Thousand Miles'. This is the first act in his story of life and I know he will be a great starting lead.  

Looks like I just need to put on my big girl pants!  I'm sure there will be tears for both of us that first day.  But that's okay.  Because at the end of the day, I will be greeted by that sweet little face, a big hug and he can tell me all about his great first day.

20 comments:

  1. sweet post, It's hard to let go of our babies. I bet he will have so much fun and will want to tell you all about when he sees you again.

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    1. Karen, you are right! It is so hard to let go, but I know I have to!
      Thanks for visiting! :)

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  2. I'm feeling the same way with mine starting...GULP...kindergarten. I try to make myself feel better by realizing this same child will probably ask me to drop off a block away from middle school someday so as not to be seen with me ; )

    And I hear ya on the always running late thing...I named my blog Actual Times May Vary for a reason. Note how I'm even replying to your post a day late after you linked to #findingthefunny on Wed.!

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    1. Christie, excellent point! I am sure one day my boys will rather die of embarrassment then be seen with me.
      Your blog name is too funny. Love it!
      Thanks for stopping by! :)

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  3. Aw! Hang in there! It will be OK. We all go through this and the kids LOVE it! :)
    ~Saw this from the SITS link up.
    Courtney :)

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    1. Thanks Courtney! I am sure things will be fine but it still makes me a little sad to think he is already so big. *Sniff.*
      Thanks for stopping by! :)

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  4. So sweet! I remember when I sent my little guy off to Pre-K. He might be nervous now but he will love it. And you'll love the extra sleep/free time. Let us know how his first day goes...and not too late :)

    Dropping by from SITS
    Miranda

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    1. Miranda, thanks for the encouragement! I have a 21 month old as well and it will be neat having time with just him while big brother is at preschool. I'll try to let you know how it goes in a timely fashion but...we all know how that may end up. ;)
      Thanks for visiting! :)

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  5. Kindergarten for us this year, we have done preschool for a couple of years but it is not making this kindergarten business any easier on me.

    I hear you on the wigster thing, my husband is always shaking his head at me wondering why I am worrying about such tiny things.

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    1. Well hello Haley, from one wigster to another! Glad to know it is not just me!
      Thanks for visiting! :)

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  6. {Melinda} Awww .. this post just tells me what a great mommy J has! It is so hard to let them go. I remember telling my daughter (who is now 15) when she went to preschool, "Isn't this exciting? Going to school for the first time!" And she said, with big weepy eyes, "Well, it's not exciting for the person who's GOING to school!" Broke my heart!

    But she went and she ended up really liking it. Looking back, I would have cut back on the days I sent her. (I only sent her 3, but 2 would have been enough.) She just wanted to be home with me more and I wish I would have just let her. That time lasts for such a short window. So, while I think it will be great for J, if you have some flexibility with the hours you send him, you can always cut back some if you feel like it's best for him to be home more.

    I hope all goes well with the transition and that he quickly makes friends ... it only takes one good friend to set a child's heart at ease. :)

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    1. Melinda, thank you so much for you kind words! That just made my day. That is the best compliment someone can give me. :)
      I appreciate the words of wisdom from someone who has already been down that road. I am sure it will all work out in the end but there will likely be some tears at the beginning.
      Thanks for visiting! :)

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  7. Those moments when we're forced to let go and to make our eyes see the big boys standing in front of us, rather than the baby that still lives in our heart, are so very difficult at times. I hope that the transition will be as smooth as possible for both of your sakes.

    (Visiting from the Saturday Sharefest at SITS Girls)

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    1. Aramelle, I agree with you one hundred percent.
      Thanks for stopping by! :)

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  8. Your words mirror my feelings word for word. However, I still have a little bit before mine heads off to Pre-K. {not too long though because he turned 3 today} I'm also a worrier... having my Son brought it out in me. It's a strange occurrence but so deep in my heart that I can't seem to shake it. {even my happy pills do not help this category of worrying. lol} Thank you for sharing this with us. Visiting from SITS by the way! Feel free to swing by some time :D

    -Jessica
    {Sugar in My Grits}
    http://mommiesblog2011.blogspot.com/

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    1. Jessica, I can see you are a fellow wigster like myself! It is difficult to release them into the wild (so to speak) as you worry about them being okay. I guess this is the true nature of parenting, however it doesn't make it any easier knowing it!
      Super cute blog name! Will definitely have to stop by for a visit!
      Thanks for visiting my blog! :)

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  9. My todder is only 2 1/2 and will probably start preschool in the new year, so I know all these fears! But as you said, it can only be good for them. It's hard to let go, but that's the nature of motherhood, yes?

    Stopping by from SITS Sharefest.

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    1. Alison, you are correct! Letting go so they can become their own person is a part of motherhood. However, it doesn't make it any easier. *Sniff.* I am sure things will go swimmingly but there may be a few tears at first. ;)
      Thanks for visiting! :)

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  10. My son is starting preschool in about 3 weeks and I can totally relate to how you feel. When I took him to visit the school, I was the one freaking out and nervous - he was fine and loved it :) But this is the think - There is no one other than my husband or myself who love this child more - I totally feel this too. For now, it'll only be a few hours in the morning 3 days a week. I don't think I'm ready for all day every day and I doubt he is either. By the say, I am also a wigster - lol! Anyway, hang in there, you are not alone and your son will do great!

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    1. Anna, great to *see* you! Thanks for the encouragement! Looks like we are in the same boat! I am sure my little guy (as well as yours) will do just fine. But there may be a few tears that first day. ;)
      Thanks for stopping by! :)

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Thanks for reading and commenting!