Saturday, August 11, 2012

The Next World War Will Be Over Blankets


Over the centuries, wars have been fought for many reasons.  Wars have been fought in the name of religion, freedom, tyranny, wealth, power and love.  There have been large scale world wars.  There have been small wars within one's own countries.

Now, you may find it difficult to believe but I can predict what the next world war will be fought over.  (No, I'm not a psychic so don't start emailing me asking me for the winning lottery numbers or who is going to win the next Super Bowl.  This is my one psychic fugue, psychic episode if you will.)

The next world war will be fought over blankets. Yes, blankets.

You see, in this world, there are two different types of sleepers.  There are the pocket sleepers and the messy sleepers.  A pocket sleeper is a person who likes to sleep with their blankets evenly spread over them and who often times cannot go to sleep if the bed is not made.  Most mornings, a pocket sleeper can wake up, get out of bed, and it hardly looks slept in. A messy sleeper is a person who can fall into the bed with their blankets in a pile and can sleep with several different blankets covering various parts of their body.  When a messy person wakes up, it looks like a tiny tornado has swept through the bed.

Ideally, a pocket sleeper will want to marry another pocket sleeper, or a messy sleeper will want to marry another messy sleeper.  This makes for the best scenario. (Trust me on this.)  If you are thinking of getting married and do not know this about your future spouse, you must inquire immediately.  It could save lives! (Okay, that was a tad dramatic, but still! It will avoid many arguments.)

Here's the deal.  I am a pocket sleeper and Hubby is a messy sleeper.  He can plop into an unmade bad with blankets strewn everywhere, grab a couple of pillows for his head and he's all set.  Now, for me.  That's a negative, ghost rider.

There is NO WAY I can get into an unmade bed and rest, let alone, fall asleep. (Just thinking about it makes my eye twitch.)  The pillows aren't at the top of the bed, pulled slightly away from the headboard as to not touch?  The blankets aren't spread evenly across the entire bed so there's a 50/50 distribution?  Madness!!  Madness, I tell you!!

Because I am a pocket sleeper and cannot go to sleep in an unmade bed, I can sometimes be found making my bed at 11:00pm, and sometimes with my Hubby IN the bed.

Our conversations go something like this:

(As I'm making the bed while Hubby is laying in the bed reading) Hubby: What are you doing?

Me: I'm making the bed.

Hubby: It's 11:00pm at night.

Me: I know.  I can't go to sleep unless the blankets are all spread out evenly.

Hubby:  Michelle, just quit messing with them.  It's fine.

Me: I'm almost finished.

Hubby: You are mental.

Me: Yeah, well. You married this mental, sucker.

Hubby: *Shakes his head.*

What I always find amusing about this is that Hubby always asks the same question as if he is surprised to see me going through my OCD nighttime routine after 13 years of marriage.

So, if you hear the sirens go off and the news reports that we are at war, you will know how it all started.  The next world war will be over blankets. 


 At Home Take 2

15 comments:

  1. I couldn't agree more! I am a pocket sleeper and my husband is a messy sleeper, just like you and your husband. When he travels for work, I text pics of what the bed looks like when I get up (one corner folded down, otherwise perfectly neat.) He thinks it's staged. It never is.

    Thanks for coming by my blog! I'm following along with you now, too!

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    1. Annie, yeah, a fellow pocket sleeper! You must respect the pocket! ;)
      Thanks for visiting and following! :)

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  2. OMG YES... I am the same way, I need to sleep in organization. Hubby creates that bed tornado, the bed is a mess after he gets out of it and when he makes the bed it looks even worse.

    Then we fight over blankets. He pulls them under his body, while I just want to be covered up, its a constant battle.

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    1. Solidarity, lady. Solidarity. I can completely relate!
      Thanks for visiting! :)

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  3. found u thru the mom's monday mingle and now follow through GFC! hope to see you again in the blogosphere!
    i feel like i recognize you, michelle! do you read my blog?:-)

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    1. Mindy, hmm, maybe I just have one of those familiar faces? Ever been to Kentucky? Maybe we crossed paths there.
      I have not checked out your blog until now but I am glad I did! I am now following you as well. Love the look and feel of your blog. :)
      Thanks for stopping by!

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  4. This is hilarious. Hubby and I are both messy sleepers and we never make the bed. I do sometimes if I think someone might see it.

    Our marriage saver? KING SIZE BED. And a giant duvet which requires little "making" if any. Only problem is we both hate the butt end. When the duvet gets all discombobulated. Bah!

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    1. Glad I could make you chuckle! ;) We do have a King size bed - that's the irony. But my Hubby does have extra covers so his extra covers can be "messy", but joint covers are distributed evenly. ;) Respect the pocket!!
      Glad you stopped by!

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  5. That's too funny! I guess I found my "messy sleeper" match, my fiance and I easily fall asleep in an unmade bed. It definitely looks like a little tornado swept through the bed!

    Visiting from SITS.

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  6. I just may be a li'l whackadoodle here because I can pocket or messy sleep, but I married a third kind, a buritto sleeper. Even messy sleeping requires some sheets and blankets & if a burrito is already wrapped, they are all gone! World War over blankets? I buy it! :>

    Visiting from SITS.

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  7. Haha, too funny. My husband just needs two pillows and I, just one. We don't even use blankets half the time. Thank goodness. :)

    (my son however, surrounds himself with pillows, blankets and toys, he's definitely a messy sleeper!)

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  8. oh man. *my* blankets need to be spread out - with no wrinkles - before i can sleep. my husband tells me to turn off the lights and i won't be able to even see the wrinkles. whatever. i can totally feel them.

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  9. Ugh! Its pre dawn and I googled messy sleepers and found this. I am so irritated by how my husband destroys my nicely tucked and smooth bed. With a new baby and his early work schedule he often goes to bed before me and completely rat nests it up! I come in exhausted and have to find the sheet at the bottom of the bed, pull it up and back over him then pull the wad of blanket from the floor on his side from under him back over him and to my side and then pull the comforter up and even on both sides...then I have to push at him until he moves to his side instead of the middle. When I get in its all hot on my pillow and by my feet and he depositions taking all the comforter but not the other covers with him. He cant figure out how to sleep without creating a rats nest. I'm going I insane because this disturbs me deeply and he blames me! He finally went on a business trip and roomed with an ocd guy...in the morning the guy pointed out how horrible my husbands bed looked pointing out how he had actually removed half the mattress pad in his sleep as well as the covers. My husband doesn't blame me now. I want cover straps to thready this horrifying behavior!

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  10. Oh Candy! Hang in there! One thing that helps with the war of blankets is having separate blankets. Hubby gets extra blankets so his blankets can be messy. The battle over covers can get ugly - that's for sure!
    Thanks for stopping by and for the commenting love! :)

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Thanks for reading and commenting!