Remember in high school where there was always that girl that was so pretty and all the boys seemed to be in love with her? Yeah well, I wasn't that girl.
I always had tons of guy friends. They called me by my last name, would casually throw an arm around my neck and flirt harmlessly with me. I was always one of the guys. I had as many girlfriends as I did guy friends.
Don't get me wrong. I'm no super model
but I'm also not BoBo, the Dog Faced Girl. I'm somewhere in-between.
(Actually, I guess everybody is somewhere in-between, well, except for the supermodels and BoBo, The Dog Faced Girl.)
My Auntie Em told me once that I would have guys falling all over me once I went to college. I thought she was trying to make me feel better and I didn't believe her. And why that isn't exactly how it played out in college, I did have several guys who wanted to be more than friends.
So while in college, I started to become comfortable in my own skin and with how I looked.
Now, at this point, even though I have good self-esteem, that doesn't mean I don't get my ego bruised every now and then. What woman doesn't have her "homely" days? Or feel like she is Captain Of The Ugly Ship? (Am I right ladies?)
Several years ago, I remember when my cousin, A, was getting married and she had her bridesmaids luncheon at Keeneland. (For those of you not familiar with Keeneland, it is a beautiful horse racing track in central Kentucky.)
As a bridesmaid, I got all dolled up, and along with my mom, cousin A and Aunt C, went with all the bridesmaids for a fantastically fun day at the races.
We ate, drank, bet on the horses and gossiped like young women do. We watched the horses parade around the veranda before each race and also people watched which was just as interesting. What a super fun day!
On our way out of the parking lot, we stopped at a red light waiting for our chance to turn. At this point, mom (who drove) and I notice a car full of cute college-age guys behind us. They are all talking and motioning to our car. Mom and I are laughing wondering what in the world they could be talking about.
Right before the light turns green, the driver gets out of his seat, scampers over to mom's window and says, "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just have to know if you are married."
Mom smiles and says, "Well, thank you. And yes, I am married."
He smiles and says, "He's a lucky man." Then he kisses her hand and heads back to his car.
So mom is laughing and smiling saying, "What a cute kid?! Wasn't that nice?!"
I look over at mom and say, "Oh yeah. That was very nice. I guess I'm chopped liver."
Mom says, "Oh no, honey."
I say, "Oh I think so mom. When someone my age comes over to you to tell you that you are the most beautiful woman he has ever seen and ignores me who is his same age, I'd say yeah, I'm chopped liver."
As if this memory doesn't smart enough, there is one more recently that dealt a swift blow to the old ego.
Recently, at my grandfather's funeral, many family members who I haven't seen in a while attended to give their condolences.
One of my grandfather's pass wives, comes over to my cousin, A, and myself. (Yes, I said one of his past wives, as in plural. My grandfather was a pimp. What can I say?)
Anyway, she hugs A and says, "A! How are you?! Look at you! You are so pretty!"
Then she turns to look at me. I can tell she is not sure who I am so I say, "Hello so-and-so. It's me, Michelle."
She says, "Michelle! I did not even recognize you!" (This is code for "What's Up With Your Dog Face?")
I get it. It's been a long time since she saw me last. And now after two kids, my shape is a bit different. *Ahem.* But, I would have been okay with her not recognizing me if someone else didn't say the EXACT SAME THING. *Sigh.*
Now, as a wife and mother, I realize I am uniquely beautiful in my own way and I accept the person I am. I have a nice smile, a wicked sense of humor and I am fiercely loyal to those I care about. I am beautiful because I am me. I'm the only me in the whole wide world. And that's kind of cool.
But some days...yep, I'm chopped liver.