Friday, May 18, 2012

The Ugly Truth


I am a mom.


Everyday, I cook, clean, serve, wipe, rub, zip, button, lace, velcro, scrub, run, chase, scoop, hug, kiss, cuddle, pull-up, pull-down, discipline, rescue, save, stop, help, lift, lower, play, skip, laugh, buckle, wash, dry, turn-on, turn-off, reach, grab, answer, ask, speak, carry, make, discover, grow and love.


This is the role I play and I accept it gladly.  I am honored to be called a mom and I am honored to be the mom of my sweet J and sweet baby LT.


I love my babies with all that I am.  They are my whole heart (along with the Hubs).  If I need to go all Chuck Norris or kick a baby goat to protect my kids, then THAT'S what I'm going to do!


I am not perfect. (You can pick your jaw up off the floor now.)  Each day, I struggle with being the best person, best mom I can be.


Here is the ugly truth: Sometimes I yell.


What's the big deal, you say?  Every parent does it, you say?


Well, first of all, just because everyone does it, doesn't mean it's right.  (Remember, when your mom used to tell you "if everyone jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?") 


And secondly, it's a big deal to me.


Sometimes I yell because I am frustrated or because I am tired.  But, you know what? It doesn't matter the reason.


I don't like the way it makes me feel.  And I don't like the way it makes my kids feel.


And so sweet boy J and sweet baby LT, here is my promise to you:



I promise to treat you as you deserve to be treated and as I would like to be treated.


I promise I will stop and count to five before I speak if I feel like I am going to yell. If I need to, I will give myself a "time out" so I can cool down.


I promise the only time I will yell is when you are in physical danger.


I promise not to make you feel bad.  You are the loves of my life.  I would never want to be the reason your feelings are hurt.


I promise I will always be there for you whenever you need me even if it isn't convenient for me.  Being your mom (and Daddy's wife) is my top priority.  All the other stuff is just noise.


I promise to never make you feel insignificant or that you don't matter.  You are a blessing and you are important to me. YOU MATTER.


I promise that nothing you could ever say or do will make me stop loving you.


I promise to make time to listen to what you have to say so please always know you can talk to me about anything.


I promise this is not going to be easy for me but I am committed to it. Please be patient with me and understanding if I mess up.  Right now, you think I hung the moon, but there is so much I do not know.  Life is a journey and I am learning more everyday.


I love you sweet boy J and sweet baby LT. I am proud to be your mom.  And you two make me want to BE BETTER.




read to be read at yeahwrite.me

63 comments:

  1. Well, I was right there with you until you said you would, if need be, kick a baby goat...

    Only kidding! I love the promises to your little guys!!! (((hugs)))...using my inside voice, of course!

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    1. I am not an avid "baby goat kicker". But if I have to choose between my kids and the goat well...
      Thanks for stopping by! :)

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  2. Great post! I relate to this like you wouldn't believe. Thanks for this!

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    1. You're welcome! Being a mom is the most difficult, exhausting, wonderful, magical job in the entire world. Some days are harder than others but those sweet little faces make it all worth it.
      Thanks for the support! :)

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  3. Fabulous post Michelle. I am a yeller. I come from a long line of yellers. I am working hard to correct this behavior because I don't my kids to be yellers. It's so hard sometimes!

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    1. Thanks Delilah! I appreciate the kinds words!
      It IS difficult sometimes when they are pushing your buttons and will not listen to a word you say, BUT I am trying to manage my patience. I am working on keeping my cool.
      I don't yell all the time but it's too much for my family!

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  4. Aw, good for you for trying to change. A sweet list of promises.

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    1. Being a mom is the most wonderful, stressful, rewarding, taxing job in the universe!! I wouldn't trade it for anything! Just trying to be better. If you never grow as a person, then you have not really lived. :)
      Thanks for visiting Gia!

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  5. It never does feel good when I lose my cool. I hate being angry, out of control or resentful.

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    1. Word, Vanessa. I am working on my patience. They are just little guys, doing the best they can, trying to figure it all out. I want to be the best me I can be. (Cheesy? Yep. But it's real!!)

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  6. Here's another truth. You are in one of the most trying times of motherhood. It's hard. But your kids are growing and developing reasoning skills. This time will pass. And it will be easier. Just be a little easy on yourself now. :) Ellen

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    1. Ellen, thank you for your encouragement. Yes, some days are so stinking hard! But most days and most moments are so beautiful and so rewarding.
      I just want to be the best parent I can be and that means to control my occasional yelling. I am a work in progress and that's okay.
      Good to know it gets a bit easier! So glad you stopped by!

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  7. Great list. Great list of promises to your kids. Secret? Sometimes I yell too!! but I'm trying to be better too - and I think we will both make it.

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    1. Kristen, thanks for the kind words! I appreciate it.
      Yes, we will make it! Word on the street is that this mom thing gets easier. Here's hoping! ;)

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  8. What a wonderful list of promises to your children. I think that even though you might yell sometimes (as we all do) that your intentions speak to the type of mother you really are. They are lucky to have you in their life.

    Thanks for sharing. It's hard to admit our faults to the world, but that's what us bloggers do :-)

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    1. Amanda, thanks so much for the encouragement! I think if you admit you are not perfect and are honestly trying to do what's best for your children, then you are on the right track!
      Being a mom is so hard but also so wonderful. You can't have one without the other!

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  9. What a sweet list.
    You sound like a super great Mom, and your kids are lucky little ducks. :-)

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    1. Aw, thanks Dawn! So nice of you to say, but I know I am the lucky one.
      Thanks for visiting! :)

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  10. Michelle I have a terrible temper and when I lose it I yell like a banshee. I have improved a lot but it took a very long time and a lot of self loathing for upsetting my family.

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    1. Vivian, it is so hard being a mom! When you are so tired and frustrated it is easy to lose it and yell at the little people. But I am working on mastering my self-control. I am a work in progress!
      Good news is that tomorrow is a new day and we can start anew. :)

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  11. Awww... this is so sweet. Lovely!

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    1. Jaimiey, thanks so much! Glad you stopped by!

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  12. i try really hard to treat my kids like i would any adult. just because they were given to me, does not give me permission to treat them as property. they are humans. I also try to tell myself, if you heard someone else talking to them, what would you do? - - but here's the thing, i can screw this up pretty bad. guilt threats, yelling, a stern squeeze. ugh. being a mama is hard. i want to treat them better than any person i've ever met, but sometimes??? that's really, really hard.

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    1. Tara, I can totally relate. You love your kids something fierce but they also can get under your skin like no other.
      Being a mom is the most difficult job ever but it is also the most rewarding job ever.
      I look at my kids and remind myself they are on loan to me from God. This helps me keep things in perspective!
      Hang in there! I am sure you are doing a great job!

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  13. I yell. I feel guilty. I apologize to my sweet babies for yelling. Such a vicious cycle. This was a lovely post. Enjoyed it!

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    1. Thanks so much for the kind words! Yes, it is a vicious cycle. One that I want to stop. I don't yell all the time but it is too much for me and too much for my kids. I want to change and I want to do better.
      Glad you stopped by!

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  14. I yell too. It's my worst mom quality! I hate that I do it, and every day I try so hard to NOT yell. You are not alone here.

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    1. Adrienne, thanks for the support! It is good to know that I am not the only one that yells sometimes.
      It is so easy to do, but I want to teach myself to stop and think before I yell. I am a work in progress! ;)
      Glad you visited!

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  15. That's a big promise. I have a preteen (3 more months). Sometimes I raise my voice. I wouldn't say I YELL but I do bring it up a bit. I WILL yell to get his attention when he's in the middle of a 12-year-old-why-can't-I-have/do/eat-it rant, but that's just a quick, "NOAH!"

    Parenting's not easy.

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    1. Kim, it IS a big promise but I think my kids are worth it. I am sure I will mess up but I want to teach myself to think before I yell (or speak for that matter). What we say and how we say it can be hurtful. And hurting my kids feelings is the LAST thing I want to do.
      Thanks for visiting! :)

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  16. I applaude you for working towards eliminating the yelling. I was raised in a household of non-yellers and first married into a yelling family. It was so stressful. My second husband comes from non-yellers and he is very cool under pressure. Now, here's the interesting thing I noticed... We have the same issues. We disagree on the same sorts of topics. We just talk it out, debate it, really, until we reach some sort of conclusion. It is so much easier on everyone! Less stress. Less bitterness. Best of all, no one's feelings are hurt.
    Keep it up! Good for you! :)

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    1. Thanks so much for the encouragement!
      When I wrote this, earlier in the day, I yelled at my oldest (3yrs) and he cried bc it hurt his feelings. This made me cry bc I had upset my little guy. That is when I decided then and there that this whole yelling thing has to stop. I don't do it all the time but it was too much for my family. I am working on it!
      Glad you stopped by!

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  17. I'm a yeller as well, but I'm trying to get it together. Love this manifesto to your children. It's one to refer back to as I continue to try and try and try. Thank you!

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    1. Kristin, thanks for the kind words! As a mom, I think that is a wonderful promise to ourselves and to our children - to try and BE BETTER. Take it one day at a time. If you mess up, that's okay. You are trying which is what matters.
      Glad you stopped by!

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  18. You are a good role model. I yell too. Just last night in fact. Then today my daughter goes, "It's OK to yell, Mom." The good thing is, kids forgive us.

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    1. Pippi, aw thanks! You are sweet to say so.
      You are right that our kids forgive us. And thank goodness they do! :)
      Glad you stopped by!

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  19. These are beautiful promises to your kids. I especially love how you vowed in the first section to kick a baby goat if needed. Now THAT'S a mom!

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    1. Katie, hey, if I have to kick a baby goat, baby squirrel, you name it, to keep my kids safe, well, buckle up animal! :)
      Thanks for stopping by!

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  20. Beautiful! I struggle with yelling, too. And beat myself up every time I do it. You are inspiring me to do better!

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    1. Elizabeth, thanks for the kind words! You are too sweet.
      I am far from perfect but I am trying because I think that is what counts. Trying to do better, to be better.
      Glad you stopped by!

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  21. A beautiful list of promises. I don't know that I agree that yelling is the problem - I think yelling is okay. Not abusive language, not deliberately hurting feelings and making your kids feel bad, I'm not in favor of that - but yelling, for me, is okay. I'd rather raise my voice and express it in a way that feels safe, then hold it in and then lose my temper in a scary way. My husband never yells, but has lost his temper a few times and really scared my kids - simply because they never see him angry. Whereas I'll yell when they've pushed it a little too far, and they know to knock it off and nobody is traumatized. Yelling isn't always a bad thing.

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    1. Melissa, thanks for the kind words! I agree that emotional or physical abuse is never okay. Also, I agree that it is okay for your kids to see you experience the gamut of emotions so they know to express themselves in a healthy way.
      For me and my family, it hurts our feelings when we are yelled at so yelling is not for us.
      Glad you stopped by!

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  22. Oh yes - the yelling problem. I have it too. I hate it but sometimes it just comes out before I can stop it.

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    1. It happens to all of us! Never feels good after you yell.
      It's a vicious cycle! All we can do is try to be better. If we mess up (and we will!) just remember tomorrow is a new day!
      Glad you stopped by!

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  23. Lovely promises and an important reminder! Although, your kids are so young, it is a frustrating phase. It does get a little less stressful as time goes on.

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    1. Jill, thanks for the support! Glad to know it gets a bit easier!
      Glad you stopped by! :)

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  24. Great post! I can definitely relate. That whole yelling thing - it happens to me too. Sometimes it just slips out! I feel bad, they feel bad - exactly like you said.

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    1. Paula, it does just slip out sometimes! It is hard but I want to teach myself to stop and think before I yell (and speak for that matter)! When I yell, then I look at their little faces, it just breaks my heart. I am going to try and stop this crazy cycle.
      Thanks for visiting!

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  25. I'm a yeller. I sometimes cringe inside as I hear the spew from my mouth. I'm working on it. Trying to yell less, listen more. Everything's a work in progress. I figure by adulthood, I'll have this parenting thing down, just in time for grandbabies!

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    1. Jackie, hang in there! Being a parent is the hardest job there is! I am sure you will get there.
      Thanks for visiting!

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  27. Very noble pledges, but the reality is we are all human. Sometimes we yell. It doesn't mean we love our kids any less. And believe me, I've felt the guilt afterward, but the best thing for everyone is to apologize and try to move past it.

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    1. I second that! Being a parent is the hardest, craziest, most wonderful job there is.
      I think if you are honestly trying to do the best for your kids and are willing to grow as a person/parent, then you are on the right track.
      Thanks for stopping by!

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  28. Such a great post. I take the advice I saw on a mom message board - I just pretend I'm on a TV show - and a good one, not some trashy reality one. Also works to pretend you're on a cooking show when you don't feel like making dinner.

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    1. Anna, too funny! I like those ideas!
      Thanks for the kind words and for stopping by!

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  29. What a wonderful PROMISSORY contract!! I do mean that with all my heart. If you keep a journal you should print this out and put it in it...let the boys sign or even put their little thumb print on it..all three of you. What a keepsake for them to have when they are grown. I love keepsakes!!

    I was blessed and didn't come from yellers. Mom just gave us "THE LOOK" and Dad was...well..a big old lovable bear. (who could growl every once in awhile) I think for that reason I am not a yeller. I did pick up both habits from my parents though. Just imagine a loveable bear giving "THE LOOK" when she needs to. Yeppers, that's me.

    Hugs,
    Regi

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  30. Wonderful post! I know that exact feeling and have said the same things. The hardest thing to do, the most humbling thing to do, is say "I'm sorry" to your child because you had a moment of acting without thinking. They need to know we're not perfect, but they need to know that we love them unconditionally, and that no one is beyond an apology and everyone should strive to be the best they can be. Thank you for the reminder.

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  31. Oh, these promises are so sweet! I can relate to hating it when my top blows. I too feel yelling is a problem. Because my Mom was a big yeller, I have made it my parenting vow to not be the same way...however, every once in awhile it still comes out, and I always feel horrible about it (for so many different reasons). Apologies are always given!

    Happy SITS day to you!!

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  32. Oh how wonderful this post is Michelle! I too am in the yellers club. I always feel such shame afterward too. But there are times my kids bring me to the edge of my sanity and I can't help but LOSE IT!!! Love your sweet precious promises! :)

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Thanks for reading and commenting!