Friday, May 11, 2012

Don't Touch Me There!

Remember being pregnant? (For those of you non-moms, just go with me.)

You are going to be a mom.  A mom!! 

You cannot believe you are so blessed to be carrying around this little person, this little life inside of you.

You rub your belly unconsciously as your thoughts drift to what will the baby look like, who will this little person be.

You giggle with joy when you first feel the baby move.

You also miss eating fish because the smell makes you want to yack.

And, you have to stock up on Tums because, even water, can apparently give you heartburn.  Who knew?!

Also, at night, you turn into a giant mouth breather and snore so loud, your husband has to go into the room down the hall to sleep.  Or maybe that's just me?

Ah, good times!  Good times! Great memories!

When you are pregnant, random people will say and do things to a pregnant woman that they will not do to anyone else.

This one day, I remember working in college admissions and an female applicant came in to apply for the upcoming term.

Me: Hello there!  Welcome to XYZ College.  How can I help you?

Applicant: Hi. Yes, I would like to apply for X term.

Me: Okay. I can help you with that.  You simply need to complete the application and pay the application fee.  Will this be your first time at college or have you attended college before?

Applicant:  I went one semester at ABC College.

Me: Okay, we will need an official transcript from that college before... (I stop mid-sentence as she starts to rub my 35 week swollen belly AS I AM ANSWERING.  All the while, she is nodding her head looking at me...while rubbing my belly.) I look down at her hand.

Applicant:  Oh sorry!  I just love babies. (And apparently pregnant women too.)

Me: Okay.  As I mentioned, you will need to submitted your official... (AGAIN!!  She is doing it again!) I look down at her hand again.

Applicant:  Oh, I am so sorry!  I didn't realize I was doing it!  Sorry!

(Now it is awkward, as if it wasn't before!) Placing my hands on my belly, Me: Do you have any other questions? (In a less friendly tone, I might add.)

Applicant: Ahem. No, thank you. I think I've got it.

Oh no you don't, girlie?!  Apparently, you DON'T have it because you kept rubbing my belly even after it was obvious that I was uncomfortable with it.

Don't touch me there!!  I don't even know you lady!  At least have the decency to ask before rubbing some random lady's pregnant belly.  Cheese and biscuits!

If I hadn't been at work, I would have used more, ahem, colorful language.

Scratch that!  I should have just started rubbing her belly.  What?  That would have creepy?! 



  1. strangers rubbing my belly is soo creepy and weird. i barely let a few friends and family rub my belly.

    1. Word, Robbie. I actually didn't mind if my family and friends asked first, but other people, N to O.

  2. Ahhhh! That would've freaked me out. I'm pregnant right now, but being a stay at home mom mercifully lets me avoid that whole scenario. I've never run up to rub someone else's belly...sooo weird.

    1. Paige, I DID freak out (on the inside anyway). People need to respect personal space. Hoola Hoop, people! I need my Hoola Hoop!

  3. Don't have kids, so I'm not a mom. And I don't recall ever rubbing any pregnant woman's belly. That's just plain wrong. And rude too, I think.

    I'm stopping by to give you a "shout" from SITS. Happy Mother's Day tomorrow. May you be treated like a royal queen. God bless.

    1. Thanks for stopping by, Carlo!
      Yes, I agree it is rude. Peoples hands move sometimes faster than their brains unfortunately! :)

  4. I know this isn't exactly the same, but I owned a tattoo shop and I get lots of stories from people about others who want to see their ink. Strangers in line will pull on the back of a shirt to get a better look at something or raise someone's sleeve. One girl has a lower back tattoo and had a guy pull down in the back of her swimsuit at the beach. When she confronted him, he seemed to think he hadn't done anything wrong.

    People have no sense of personal boundaries.

    1. Hola Brett! Yes, I agree that some people have no idea that they are encroaching on someone's physical space.
      If someone tried to lift my shirt up, they'd have been axed kicked in the face. Believe that.
      Thanks for stopping by!

  5. Oh man! I really wish you started rubbing HER belly! That would have made me so happy, I mean made a great story! When they say your body isn't your own anymore when you are pregnant, I'm pretty sure it's not because strangers have the right to rub your belly whenever they want.

    1. We are sisters from anotha motha. (Doesn't sound as catchy as 'brothers from anotha motha'?)
      Anywho, yes, I should have started rubbing her belly. It would have been HILARIOUS, also not to mention against the law since I was at work. But I probably could have pleaded temporary insanity!

  6. What is WRONG with people? I, too, wish you rubbed her belly right back!

    (Found you via Finding the Funny!)

    1. Hello JD! Thanks for stopping by!
      With some folks, the elevator doesn't go all the way up, if you know what I mean?!

  7. Ha! Yeah, I don't like how she just assumed she could talk & rub at the same time! Loved the way you told the story. Ha! Thanks for linking up with us over at #findingthefunny this week!

    1. Some people don't think before they act! I mean, I wouldn't start rubbing your back while I was talking to you. What a weirdo??
      Thanks for hosting the #findingthefunny party! :)

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