Sometimes, when I am laying in bed at night, I review the days events. I start to wonder if I could have done things differently.
I shouldn't have yelled at J when he spilled his juice. I need to work on being more patient.
Did I spend enough time with the kids? Maybe I should have waited to check my email after the kids are napping.
Was I nice enough to my mom/SIL/girlfriend today when talking to them on the phone?
Ever have days like this? Why do I do this? Am I a sadist? Do I like driving myself crazy? Is it because some days I feel insecure?
Well, I am not exactly sure. I don't like feeling bad about myself. I am already a whole ball of crazy so I don't need any extra.
Sometimes I second guess myself and the things that I did that day. For those of you who never second guess yourself, let me just assure you. Second guessing is lame. Nothing good comes from it.
Once you have done something, that is it. It's done. It's over. You cannot take it back.
Now, the beauty of life, is it starts anew each day. You can decide how you are going to make tomorrow count. You can decide the person you want to be tomorrow.
I am not perfect by a long shot. (I know. It's a lot to digest. You may want to sit down.) I lose my temper easily, I need to eat healthier and my house is a pit. But, you know what? I have a lot of good characteristics too. I can make you laugh, I am fiercely loyal, I am honest and I love my family.
I think love is the key word here. If you have people that love you, it can give you the courage to accept yourself and make a change for the better tomorrow. Not to get all Hallmark on you, but love is a game changer. If someone loves you, they accept you as you are so no second guessing needed!!
Nothing makes me feel more loved than a hug or kiss from my kids. It makes me feel like I matter. That I have a purpose.
Tonight, tucking J in bed, he hugs me and says, "Mama, you be the princess. You save me."
No sweetie. You saved me.