Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Stupid, Stupid Heart


“Let’s be reasonable about this,” I argue.

“Screw being reasonable,” Jake says.

“Jake,” I begin.

He takes a step away from me and shoves his hands in his hair. “Woman, you are so infuriating! Why do you have to keep pushing me away?!” Jake yells.

I am staring at him stunned. He’s never yelled at me before. Well, the man has a point. I do keep trying to push him away. Why do I keep doing that? Do I think I don’t deserve him? Do I think Sam is safer?

Finally, finding my voice, I state, “Jake, I am with Sam. I love Sam.”

Giving me a wicked grin, he demands, “That’s what you keep saying, Maddie. Yet, you end up with ME, kissing ME, wrapped around ME. Why is that, Maddie?!”

“You are so arrogant!” I scream, stomping my foot as to prove my point.

“You are so stubborn!” he yells back.

We stand there staring at each other, both of us breathing heavily as we try to reign in our tempers. Both of us standing face to face, hands balled into fists at our side. We stand there for what seems like an eternity.

I am angry. So angry. When I get angry, I end up crying. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. A single tear slips down my cheek.

Jake sees the tear escape and his gaze softens. He reaches out a hand, then drops it, puts both hands in his pockets as if to keep from touching me.

“Maddie, I want you,” he says. He laughs but there is no humor in it. “I’ve wanted you since that first day of ninth grade when you wore that purple sundress. And I think you know that.”

Jake continues, gesturing between us. “But I can’t do this. You keep fighting me. I want to do lots of things with you but fighting isn’t one of them. I don’t want to fight you, Maddie.”

My mouth feels like it’s stuffed with cotton. I try and find my voice but fail.

“And I sure as hell don’t want to be anyone’s second choice,” he declares.

Jake takes three quick strides towards me. He places his hands on each side of my face, bends down and gives me a whisper of a kiss. He looks at me for a heartbeat, then turns on his heel and leaves without another word.

Now he’s gone. He and I don’t make sense anyway. But now I can be with Sam without any distractions from Jake. Even though, Jake is a pretty awesome distraction. Okay. Good.

But why does my heart feel like it’s broken into a million pieces? Stupid, stupid heart. So stupid.

Don't you just want to shake Maddie?! Don't you want to scream, "Take a chance! What are you waiting for?!"


At least that's how I feel. 

New here, check out the first post with Jake and Maddie with "I Choose You".

Okay, what's next.... 

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