Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Synchronized Pooping

When I was in college, I lived in all girls' dorms for my freshman and sophomore years.  Now, with all of us crammed together like fish in a barrel and massive amounts of estrogen running amok, we all ended up getting our visits from Aunt Flo at the same time.  (Guys, stay with me!  I promise no more icky girl talk.) Sound familiar ladies?  You did NOT want to be around the dorm at this time unless you were armed with chocolate, Stridex and Advil.


Now, in my professional non-scientist opinion, I think it had to do with hormones, lunar cycles, the changing of the guard, annual re-release of the McRib, and the season premiere of Beverly Hills, 90210.  I know.  It is all very technical.


Anyway, I thought only menstrual cycles could be linked to occur during the same time.  Now that I have kids, I have found out that bowels can also be synchronized.


Here is an everyday example.  After breakfast, we are hanging out downstairs in our great room.  J and I are building train tracks together making the most wicked train tracks ever made with lots of tunnels and bridges.  L is busy taking apart said awesome train tracks and trying to eat the train cars.


Since his attention span is no longer than two minutes, L wonders off to play with the fire truck in the corner. When I glance over at him 30 seconds later, he is hunkered down and all red faced.  Uh-oh.  I know this look.  This is the "I-went-in-the-corner-to-poop-by-myself-because-I-need-some-privacy" look.  Here it is!  The first poop of the day.


I try and keep it cool.  I look at J and he is playing trains, oblivious to the fact that L has pooped.  I think to myself  'Should I change L's diaper now or wait a few minutes to see if J has to go?'  I hedge my bets and decide to wait a few minutes before I change his diaper because I don't want to get caught with both boys pooping at the same time.  So, I play trains with J for a few more minutes then decide to change L's diaper.


When I nonchalantly get up and go over to the closet, J asks, "What are you doing, mama?"  I respond, "L has pooped and I need to change his diaper."  (This must be the point where the subliminal message is sent to J's brain to 'relieve bowels'.)  I grab diaper changing supplies in one arm and scoop up L in the other arm, then head to the carpet to change the baby's diaper.


Just as I start cleaning L, I hear the pitter patter of little feet, then 15 seconds later, J yells, "Mama, I need your help!  I pooped!"  Mid-wipe, I yell back "Okay, J! I am finishing up with L! Stay on the potty! Do not get off the potty!"


Inevitably, I try to hurry up and finish with L so I can get to J but before I am done J is yelling again. "Mama, quick!  I need your help!"  So as I am scooping up L to put him in the pack -n-play, I am yelling, "Be right there! Stay there!  Do not get off the potty!"


I rush into the bathroom like a mad person frantic that there will be some sort of horrible, gory scene but J is just waiting patiently on the potty, waiting for me to wipe his little bum.  He proceeds to tell me, "Look, mama!  There is a mommy one and a baby one."  J always imagines his poop as a family.  He is such a sweet kid.  Anyway, I wipe his butt, we all wash our hands, all is right with the world.  Whew!  Another crisis averted!


You think that I would learn that after 6+ months with this happening every single day that it is a pattern, synchronized pooping if you will.  I am hopeful that one day they will mix it up.  You may think I am naive but I prefer to think of it as optimistic.


I mean the only other option would be that J is pooping the exact same time everyday because I am spending time with L and J is trying to get my attention. Ahh.....Oh, I see.  Well, I think I will go with synchronized pooping.  It sounds funnier.



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