Don't Touch Me There!

Remember being pregnant? (For those of you non-moms, just go with me.)

You are going to be a mom.  A mom!! 

You cannot believe you are so blessed to be carrying around this little person, this little life inside of you.

You rub your belly unconsciously as your thoughts drift to what will the baby look like, who will this little person be.

You giggle with joy when you first feel the baby move.

You also miss eating fish because the smell makes you want to yack.

And, you have to stock up on Tums because, even water, can apparently give you heartburn.  Who knew?!

Also, at night, you turn into a giant mouth breather and snore so loud, your husband has to go into the room down the hall to sleep.  Or maybe that's just me?

Ah, good times!  Good times! Great memories!

When you are pregnant, random people will say and do things to a pregnant woman that they will not do to anyone else.

This one day, I remember working in college admissions and an female applicant came in to apply for the upcoming term.

Me: Hello there!  Welcome to XYZ College.  How can I help you?

Applicant: Hi. Yes, I would like to apply for X term.

Me: Okay. I can help you with that.  You simply need to complete the application and pay the application fee.  Will this be your first time at college or have you attended college before?

Applicant:  I went one semester at ABC College.

Me: Okay, we will need an official transcript from that college before... (I stop mid-sentence as she starts to rub my 35 week swollen belly AS I AM ANSWERING.  All the while, she is nodding her head looking at me...while rubbing my belly.) I look down at her hand.

Applicant:  Oh sorry!  I just love babies. (And apparently pregnant women too.)

Me: Okay.  As I mentioned, you will need to submitted your official... (AGAIN!!  She is doing it again!) I look down at her hand again.

Applicant:  Oh, I am so sorry!  I didn't realize I was doing it!  Sorry!

(Now it is awkward, as if it wasn't before!) Placing my hands on my belly, Me: Do you have any other questions? (In a less friendly tone, I might add.)

Applicant: Ahem. No, thank you. I think I've got it.

Oh no you don't, girlie?!  Apparently, you DON'T have it because you kept rubbing my belly even after it was obvious that I was uncomfortable with it.

Don't touch me there!!  I don't even know you lady!  At least have the decency to ask before rubbing some random lady's pregnant belly.  Cheese and biscuits!

If I hadn't been at work, I would have used more, ahem, colorful language.

Scratch that!  I should have just started rubbing her belly.  What?  That would have creepy?! 

EXACTLY.