Saturday, December 27, 2014

What I Learned From Watching The Hobbit Movies

Tuesday, I ventured into society to watch the latest Hobbit Movie, The Battle Of The Five Armies.

This movie was nothing short of amazing.

I laughed. I cried. I lusted.

Wait.

What?!

*Ahem.*

What I mean to say is that I learned a lot from watching these movies.

It's true.

And because I love you so much, I am going to impart my wisdom to you.

No please.

There is no need to thank me.

So without further ado...

What I Learned From Watching The Hobbit Movies:

1. Golem is terrifying. I've seen a lot of scary stuff. In fact, I LOVE horror movies. Vampires? Love 'em. Werwolves? Adore 'em. Zombies? One Word - Daryl. *Drops mic.* But Golem?! *Shudders.* He seriously scares the feces right out of me. Gives me nightmares. I'm not sure what it is about that bald, green thing, but he TERRIFIES me. "My precious." Ack! Now, I'm never going to sleep tonight.

2. Legolas is one felxible mo fo. Remember in Return of The King when Legolas takes out the elephant and slides down his trunk? Well, in this final movie, he does some fancy foot work battling with a huge orc that is insane. He bends and swivels and jumps. At one point, it looks like he is walking on air. Maybe Legolas was a yoga instructor/ ninja in a previous life?

3. Where has Luke Evans (i.e. Bard) been all my life. Luke Evans plays Bard the Boatman in this movie. Not sure who he is? Go ahead. Look him up. I'll wait. *Drums fingers.* Oh, your back? SEE?!?!? What did I tell you? Totally dreamy right? This guy is some serious hotness. That face. Those eyes. Luke Evans - we need more of you. Like A LOT more.

4. Old people can still whoop your butt. It makes me chuckle how people who do not know Gandalf always underestimate him. They think he is some random old vagabond. I'm thinking "Idiot! You don't know who are messing with. You are fixing to get dealt with! You don't mess with Gandalf!" But I'm not going to lie. When I saw Sauron wield his staff with the agility of Jet Li or Jason Statham, I was impressed. I was like, "Dang. Gramps has some mad skills." Moral of the story: Never underestimate an old guy. They could be a wizard and whoop your sorry behind.

5. Bromances are cool. I'm sure you guys are familiar with at least one bromance. But I think Bilbo and Thorin finally made it PC. I mean how can one not like the love felt between Bilbo and Thorin each time they share a heartfelt moment, gazing lovingly into each others eyes, and silently sharing in their adoration for each other. It's enough to get this girl a little choked up. *Sniff.* Now, we just need a cute name. Bilbin? Thorbo? Dwarbit? I'll let you decide.

Did I miss anything?

If you had not had a chance to see this latest movie, go and see it over Christmas break. If you have not seen any of the movies, go and get the first in the series from Netflix immediately!

Now, I'm off to dream about Luke Evans, er, I mean fold the laundry.

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