Thursday, November 14, 2013

Awesome Things You Discover AFTER The Baby Arrives



It's the dirty, messy, sleep-deprived superheroes!
SuperMom and SuperDad!


When you are going to have a baby, hundreds of people will give you advice. They will give you over a million little pearls of wisdom.

“Sleep when the baby sleeps!”

“Don’t worry about cleaning the house.”

“Trust your instincts!”

“You know what’s best for your child.”

“Don’t let them sleep in bed with you.”

“Let them sleep in bed with you.”

“Breastfeeding is best.”

“It’s okay to give the baby formula.”

So many people who are care about you and are so excited for you that they try to impart some of their wisdom to help make things easier for you.

*Tear.*

Now, after the baby arrives, well…you are in uncharted territory. You try to use the advice that your loved ones gave you. You have just had a major life change and you are dealing with it the best you can. You are like an astronaut on a new planet trying to understand the terrain.

You discover all sorts of things about yourself that you never knew. Things that no one ever told you. Things that you learn all by yourself.

Things like:

You will become a napper. “But Michelle,” you say, “I’m not really a napper.” Oh, you say that now. But trust me. EVERYONE becomes a napper after they bring a newborn home. Maybe not the first night. Maybe not even the second night. But give it time. You WILL succumb to the nap. Morning naps. Afternoon naps. Evening naps. Nighttime naps. Anytime is the right time for a nap.

Your sixth sense will emerge. You will have an innate sense of when your child is getting into trouble in another room. They will have been gone no longer than 5 minutes before you will have an immediate sensation that your kid is being naughty. You go investigate. Sure enough, they are knee deep in naughtiness. (Note: Your ESP only applies to your own children. Sorry. No predicting lottery numbers.)

You will develop super hearing. You will be a sleep deprived, showerless, bleary eyed mess, laying in your own bed with the door shut and the TV on with the door closed, drifting off to sleep, when your ears will perk-up at the tiniest mewl from your baby who is down the hall in their own crib with their bedroom door shut. (Never mind the fact that now you sleep through gale force winds, car alarms and your husband’s loud snoring.) Yep, super hearing.

You will develop super speed. Before kids, you could take your sweet time doing the normal day-to-day things. Now? YOU HAVE NO TIME! You become a master of speed. You take speed and make it your lady friend. Brushing your teeth? 1 minute. Have to pee? 30 seconds. Need to eat? 2 minutes. Got to shower? 5 minutes. BOOM. The speed of light is in awe of your quickness.

You will become less concerned about cleanliness. Okay, I was going to say a slob, but this just sounds better. You will think things like, “Wow! I am really smelly and should probably take a shower. Or I could take a 30 minute nap. Screw it! I’m napping.” Or when your kids get bigger. You think other things like, “Why are all of the flipping toys all over the house?! Why is every dish we own dirty and stacked on the counter?! This place is a pig sty. I guess I should clean up around here. Oh look! The Walking Dead is on!” Trust me. I used to be OCD. (Okay, fine! I still am.) But not as much. Now, I don’t even care that the towels on the rack aren’t hanging the exact same length. I am lucky if there is a towel there at all.

So there you have it. Awesome things you discover AFTER the baby arrives.

Now that I’m looking at this list, it looks like moms and dads develop super powers. Parents are super heroes!! Albeit dirty, messy, sleep deprived super heroes. But super heroes nonetheless!

I like it.

Us parents are superheroes!

Let's go with that.

7 comments:

  1. I love your list! I have 3 teenagers and I'm delighted when the towels are not on the floor!
    I'd also add that weaning, potty training, having them come home and tell you all the amazing things the teacher knows, teaching them to ride a bike and teaching them to drive are the things that will strain your relationship with your children the most! (But they are still lovely!)

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  2. Love the list - mine is 18 and I have re-instated nap time. Making up for those naps I lost when she figured out how to climb out of her bed as a toddler!

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  3. I was never much good at cleaning before I had kids. Now I find them to be a great excuse for not making much of an effort!! Great post!

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Thanks for reading and commenting!