A few weeks ago, I came across several tweets on my Twitter feed of people in Australia who were buying up all of the toilet paper. Like all of it everywhere. In their entire country.
*Blinks.*
So at first, I laugh this off.
*Snort.*
This is so crazy! Why are they taking all of the toilet paper?! Bad bowels isn't even one of the symptoms of the Coronavirus. Are they worried they will get hit with a bad case of the squirts?
*Chuckles.*
That is just insane. I mean of ALL of the things to be worried about.
TP is at the top of your list?
*Laughs loud. Laughs quieter. Sighs. Clears throat.*
But then I started thinking, do the Australians know something that I don't know?! Like there is a TP Apocalypse on the horizon? Are they privy to some highly classified information that we Americans don't know?!
So I did the only reasonable thing.
Okay.
Maybe it wasn't the reasonable thing. But it helped to calm my anxiety, so let's just go with that.
I went and bought a ton of TP.
I mean, I am not going to be the only person out there with no TP!
However I do remember learning from one my of my kids' TV shows that if there are "leaves of three, let it be". So if I need to go searching for leaves outside, I can make sure and not get the itchy ones. Thanks, PBS.
I am what marketing folks would call "highly suggestible".
If I see someone buying a cute pink short at Loft, then I maybe I need to try on that shirt.
If you order a burger and fries, well that sounds WAY better than what I was going to order so I'll get that too.
If you are buying up all of the TP, then I am going to be buying all the TP.
So when I was at Kroger the other day, grabbing some supplies to hole up inside for a couple of days, I made sure to get some TP.
And as I was walking through the aisles, I grabbed some things I may need.
Here's the thing: If you are a certified "wigster" like myself (i.e. someone who wigs out a lot) and someone who is highly suggestible, then when something like the Coronavirus goes down, You, Lose. Your. Mind.
Plodding through the frozen food aisle, I look at all of the frozen meat and wonder, "Do I need 47 chicken breasts?" "How many are enough chicken breasts?" "MAYBE I NEED 47 CHICKEN BREASTS!"
Into the cart they go.
Strolling by to grab some butter, I see some buttermilk. "Do I need buttermilk?" What if I want to make some biscuits and I HAVE NO BUTTERMILK?!"
MAYBE I DO NEED BUTTERMILK!
Yeah, that went into the cart too.
Walking by the cheese section, honestly, I can't even tell you what happened. I think I just blacked out and $50 later, I went on my merry way.
I am just not sure what I will need. I don't want to be caught without things I need.
After I get home, I call my mom to tell her about my shopping experience.
In summary, she is laughing at me and keeps asking me "Why did you get the buttermilk? When was the last time you made biscuits?"
Look, I don't remember when the last time I made biscuits, or if I ever have. But who knows?! I might need it. What if I have an overwhelming desire to make mouth watering biscuits.
Better to be safe.
Let this be a cautionary tale.
Do not be like me and be easily talked into buying things that you don't need. Be reasonable. Think about things you will actually need. Take a reasonable amount.
Except for the buttermilk.
Don't forget the buttermilk.
