Monday, April 13, 2020

A Conversation With My Dad

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Have you ever had a conversation with someone and afterwards you wondered what the heck you were even talking about?

Maybe they kept hopping from topic to topic? 

Maybe they were mispronouncing words?

Maybe they spoke in catchphrases?

Enter a conversation with my dad.

Let me first preface this by saying I love my dad.

He is funny (dad jokes for DAYS), sensitive (cries at movies) and friendly (talks to everyone like they are old friends).

But talking to him on the phone can drive a person insane.

If they weren't already.

But *ahem* we aren't talking about me.

Anyway, here is how our conversation went the other day.

*Ring, ring.*

Me: Hello.

Dad:  Hey, Shelly!

Me: Hi Dad. How are you?

Dad: Oh, you know.  We're hanging in there. Making do. How are you and the boys?

Me: We're good. Just figuring out our new normal for right now. How to work from home and school from home. 

Dad: *Chuckles.* Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Me: What have you been up to?

Dad: Well, I've been looking into some things. Trying to figure some things out. Doing a little research.

Me: Have you called an electrician to take a look at your stove?

Dad: No, we've been kind of busy with a few things but it's on my to do list.

Me: How about your groceries? Do you guys have enough supplies?

Dad:  We're getting by. I'll open the fridge and see what we've got and throw some things together.

Me: So you're good for supplies then?

Dad:  We're making it work. Putting things together. A little of this, a little of that.

Dad: So Shelly, have you seen anything good on Netflix lately? (Side note: My dad is the only person who can call me Shelly and get away with it. Don't. Even. Think. About. It.)

Me: Yeah. I watched The Witcher and the boys and I watched Escape from Mr. Lemoncello's Library.  It was pretty cute.  What about you?

Dad:  Well, we watched this movie the other night about a secret agent, or maybe a detective. He had to fight the bad guys and figure the mystery out. He had a partner. Oh, I forget the name. Do you know which one I'm talking about?

Me: Um, no, Dad.  I'm not sure. Sounds good. (As he has literally described the plot to about 80% of all movies in the history of movies.)

Dad: Thanks again for bringing over the groceries. You really didn't have to do that.

Me: No problem, Dad.  I'm happy to do it.

Dad: But, um, Shelly, what was in that bowl you gave me?

Me: Dad, it is taco soup.

Dad: Oh, okay. What's in it?

Me:  Uh, taco soup.

Dad: *Chuckles.* Oh, okay, smarty pants. I'll put you on my list. I'll remember that.

Me: *Laughing.* I think you'll like it. I had several bowls.

Me: Anything else going on?

Dad:  Well, I have been going online trying to figure this thing out. The insurance company screwed things up. *Sighs.* It's a LONG story.

Me: Um, are you talking about your car insurance?

Dad: Yes. I've been trying to to get things right and I finally got a hold of them. But they said they just - ah - *sigh*. I had to go online and dig and dig and dig. Now, I'm trying to get things straightened out. *Sighs again.* It's just a LONG story. (Side note: EVERYTHING with my dad is a long story. If he ever said it was a short story, my heart would stop from the shock.)

Me: That sounds rough. (Because I am not really sure what he is saying and it sounds like the right response.)

Dad: *Sighs one more time.* You have no idea. (Said very dramatically.) 

Me: Dad, have you finished wiping everything down? Making sure to Clorox all handles, light switches, counter tops, door knobs and remotes?

Dad: We're working on it. We've almost got it done. We're getting there. (Side note: We are FOUR weeks into quarantine and my dad lives in a TWO bedroom duplex. *Blinks.* )

*Yelling in the background.*

Me:  Dad, that's my cue! I'm going to have to go.  I'll talk to you later.

Dad:  Okay. Talk to you later. Love you!

Me: Love you! Bye.

See what I mean?!?!?


What was our conversation even about?!

No one knows.

I guess it's a long story.