My Interview With Vogue

Vogue: Let's talk about what you're wearing today.

Me: I'm wearing skinny jeans, black and white plaid flannel shirt, grey leopard print scarf and motorcycle boots.

Vogue: Trendy. Very nice.

Me: Thanks. It's my one ace-in-the-hole.

Vogue: So tell me a little about your style.

Me: My style?

Vogue: Yes, your style. For example, think of what you would wear on a typical day.

Me: Whatever is clean.

Vogue: And what would those clean clothes look like?

Me: A long sleeved t-shirt and jeans. My typical momiform.

Vogue: *Horrified.* Did you say 'momiform'? As in 'mom uniform'.

Me: Pretty witty, right?

Vogue: That's awful.

Me: Oh, come on. Think of those doctors and nurses in their scrubs. I think they rock those pretty well. And so comfortable. Maybe I should wear scrubs everyday...

Vogue: Okay, switching topics, how about the summertime? What accessories do you wear?

Me: Um, do kids count?

Vogue: *Eyeroll.* How about a long necklace?

Me: So the kids will try to swing on it? No thanks.

Vogue: How about cute, dangly earrings?

Me: So they can be ripped out of my ear lobes? I'll pass.

Vogue: Do you at least have a skin care regime?

Me: Oh, oh! Yes, I do! I use First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Cream!

Vogue: Now, we are getting somewhere. And what else?

Me: Um, I wash my face in the shower?

Vogue: With?

Me: Soap?

Vogue: *Sighs.* I think that's a wrap.

Me: *Nudges with shoulder.* Hey, but I do look super cute and trendy today, right?

Vogue: I'll give you that.

Okay, that wasn't really an interview with Vogue. But that is how I imagine it would go down.