The Next World War Will Be Over Blankets

Over the centuries, wars have been fought for many reasons.  Wars have been fought in the name of religion, freedom, tyranny, wealth, power and love.  There have been large scale world wars.  There have been small wars within one's own countries.

Now, you may find it difficult to believe but I can predict what the next world war will be fought over.  (No, I'm not a psychic so don't start emailing me asking me for the winning lottery numbers or who is going to win the next Super Bowl.  This is my one psychic fugue, psychic episode if you will.)

The next world war will be fought over blankets. Yes, blankets.

You see, in this world, there are two different types of sleepers.  There are the pocket sleepers and the messy sleepers.  A pocket sleeper is a person who likes to sleep with their blankets evenly spread over them and who often times cannot go to sleep if the bed is not made.  Most mornings, a pocket sleeper can wake up, get out of bed, and it hardly looks slept in. A messy sleeper is a person who can fall into the bed with their blankets in a pile and can sleep with several different blankets covering various parts of their body.  When a messy person wakes up, it looks like a tiny tornado has swept through the bed.

Ideally, a pocket sleeper will want to marry another pocket sleeper, or a messy sleeper will want to marry another messy sleeper.  This makes for the best scenario. (Trust me on this.)  If you are thinking of getting married and do not know this about your future spouse, you must inquire immediately.  It could save lives! (Okay, that was a tad dramatic, but still! It will avoid many arguments.)

Here's the deal.  I am a pocket sleeper and Hubby is a messy sleeper.  He can plop into an unmade bad with blankets strewn everywhere, grab a couple of pillows for his head and he's all set.  Now, for me.  That's a negative, ghost rider.

There is NO WAY I can get into an unmade bed and rest, let alone, fall asleep. (Just thinking about it makes my eye twitch.)  The pillows aren't at the top of the bed, pulled slightly away from the headboard as to not touch?  The blankets aren't spread evenly across the entire bed so there's a 50/50 distribution?  Madness!!  Madness, I tell you!!

Because I am a pocket sleeper and cannot go to sleep in an unmade bed, I can sometimes be found making my bed at 11:00pm, and sometimes with my Hubby IN the bed.

Our conversations go something like this:

(As I'm making the bed while Hubby is laying in the bed reading) Hubby: What are you doing?

Me: I'm making the bed.

Hubby: It's 11:00pm at night.

Me: I know.  I can't go to sleep unless the blankets are all spread out evenly.

Hubby:  Michelle, just quit messing with them.  It's fine.

Me: I'm almost finished.

Hubby: You are mental.

Me: Yeah, well. You married this mental, sucker.

Hubby: *Shakes his head.*

What I always find amusing about this is that Hubby always asks the same question as if he is surprised to see me going through my OCD nighttime routine after 13 years of marriage.

So, if you hear the sirens go off and the news reports that we are at war, you will know how it all started.  The next world war will be over blankets.