My Doctor Is Getting Punched In The Face

After J was born, I remember Jeff and I snuggling with him in my hospital room.  There was nothing sweeter, more beautiful or more perfect than my precious baby boy.  I remember marveling at those little tiny baby toes and his tiny little face.  He could not have been more perfect. (The picture above is of J when he was two weeks old.  Isn't he the sweetest?!)

Since I had J via c-section, the recommended time frame is for you to stay in the hospital three days.  Dr. V (No joke!) told me they would do J's circumcision on day two as he didn't like to preform the operation on the day the baby is born.

On the second day, early in the morning, Jeff and I were enjoying cuddling and admiring our sweet baby boy.  Jeff had been with me the whole time and did not get much sleep the night before.  He was a real trooper helping me get to the bathroom and helping with J.  Jeff was in dire need of some caffeine.

Jeff: Mind if I run downstairs and get a cup of coffee?

Me: No, honey.  Go ahead.  Get yourself some coffee.

Jeff: Alright, I'll head downstairs then.  I'll have my cell phone with me if you need me.

Me: Okay. I'm sure we'll be fine.

So, Jeff leaves to go get a cup of coffee.  Right after he leaves, the nurse walks in. 

Nurse: Dr. V is on his way. He is ready to do the circumcision.  I'll take him (Baby J) now.

Me: Okay. (I look down at my sweet baby. I start to tear up.)

Nurse: It will be okay. Dr. V knows what he is doing. They use numbing cream and it's very quick. It doesn't hurt the baby at all.

Me: Okay. *Sniff. Sniff.*

One minute later, I can hear Dr. V out in the hallway talking to the nurses. Then, I hear a door open and close, I can tell he is talking to someone in the room next to me.  Then I hear a baby crying IN THE ROOM NEXT TO ME!

No way!  NO FREAKING WAY! They are circumcising my baby in the ROOM NEXT TO ME.  My sniffling turns into full on crying.  I call Jeff.

Me: Jeeefff! *Sniff. Cry.*  Jeeefff!

Jeff: What's wrong?

Me: It's J-J-J!  He's screa-a-amming!  I can hear him! *Sob. Sob.*

Jeff: Calm down.  I am sure it's not J.

Me: Nooooo!  It is J!  I he-e-eard Dr. V's v-v-voice next door, then I heard a b-b-baby crying! *More sobbing.*

Jeff: Okay, sweetie.  Calm down.  I'll be right there.

While I sit there sobbing, all I can think of is my sweet baby boy!  My poor sweet baby boy!  What have I done?!  He is only two days old and I am already the worst parent ever!

After the procedure is finished, the nurse brings J back into the room with me.  I immediately grab him and start to nurse him to make him (and myself) feel better.  I vow to never let anyone hurt my baby again! Jeff walks in as the nurse walks out.  He takes one look at my face and he knows that I am tore up from the floor up.  Jeff comes over and hugs on both of us.

Two minutes later, Dr. V comes in smiling, chewing his gum.  (This man has NO FREAKING IDEA how much I would like to punch him in the face.  If I hadn't been gutted like a pig and been turned inside-out, I would be on him like white on rice!)

Dr. V: So, the procedure went well.  There are no complications. (Registers my red, puffy, tear stained face. Places a hand on my shoulder) It's okay. It's over now.

Jeff: Yeah, she heard.

Dr. V: (Looks confused.)

Jeff: Yeah, she could hear the whole thing next door.  She heard you talking, then the baby crying so she heard the whole thing.

Dr. V: (Lightbulb starting to go off.)

Jeff: Maybe you should not put a mom with a baby boy in the room next to where you give circumcisions.

Dr. V: That is a good idea.

Geez, ya think?!