The Veggie Battle

A couple of weeks ago at J's 4 year well child check-up, the pediatrician was asking about his eating habits.  She was asking him about the things he liked to eat and if he ate anything healthy.

Doctor: Do you like vegetables? Do you eat any vegetables?

J: Popcorn.

Needless to say, this did not go over well with the doctor.  She chuckled but told him he would need to start eating his veggies to grow big and strong.

Honestly, trying to get my kids to eat the things they like is a battle, let alone trying to get them to eat something they don't like.

Here's the deal. My kids are picky eaters.  Like super picky.  They only eat about ten things. Nine of which are starches. (Oh to be young again...)

The stuff they like, I mean really like, you only have about a 50% chance of them eating it. Most of their food sits on their plates. Or on my floor.

Seriously, I think they can surivive on about 80 calories a day. I should split a Triscuit, give it to the boys and call it a day.

Now, they do like fruit.  Not all fruit (because that would be way to easy.) But they do like a lot of fruit. So, we try and give them fruit at every meal.  We will occasionally put a vegetable in front of them but the results are never pretty.

For example, I placed a green bean in front of Baby L (2) the other day. He shrieked and promptly threw it on the floor. You'd think I wanted him to eat a raw octopus or something.

And yesterday, Hubby tried to get J (4) to eat mashed potatoes.  Mashed potatoes that had a little cream cheese in them, I might add.

Hubby: J, want a bite of potatoes? *Takes out money from wallet.* I'll give you this dollar to buy toys with if you take a bite of potato.

J: *Screams. Cries.* Noooooo! *Runs upstairs to his room and slams the door. Still crying.*

Cheese and biscuits! I guess if we'd have asked him to try a green veggie he would have gone upstairs and packed a bag. 

The pediatrician suggested I put noodles on his plate (which he likes) and a few veggies (which he doesn't). She suggested that if he wants more noodles, then he has to eat his veggies first.

Um, good idea in theory...

Or my crazy Dad suggested that I do what he did when I was little. He put green beans baby food on my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Yeah. And you wonder why I have issues.

So, it's a challenge. I want my kids to eat healthy but they aren't into that.

Don't get me wrong. I will keep trying.  I will keep introducing veggies and try to be creative about it. But it is a real battle - a veggie battle.

Maybe it will be easier when they get older. (Denial. It is so pleasant here! Come and join me!)

Anyone else have this problem?  Any suggestions for getting kids to eat veggies?

The Liebster Award

 

So back in October, Jimmy of Founding A Father awarded me the Liebster award. And even further back in August, Pippi of Pesky Pippi also awarded me the Liebster award.

I think it is for my witty repartee or my amusing self-depreciation. I believe we can all agree it is not for my timeliness! *Ahem.*

Anyway, if you are not following these two people, well, you need to get on that! They are some funny people and I assure you will enjoy each blog post.

Thanks Jimmy and Pippi for nominating me! I am thankful you would include me.

Now on to the festivities!

• Each person must post 11 things about themselves. 
• Answer the 11 questions the person giving the award has set for you.
• Create 11 questions for the people you will be giving the award to. 
• Choose 11 people to award and send them a link to your post.  Go to their page and tell them. 
• No tag backs.

11 Things About Me:

1. An old lady once told me I look like Kathy Ireland.
2. I have a wine colored birthmark under my left eye.
3. I hate it when my hands smell like food.
4. My favorite color is red.
5. I have an unhealthy obsession with reading.
6. My dad ran over my foot with his car when I was 17.
7. When I was 16, my bikini top fell into the ocean in front of a guys volleyball game.
8. I am addicted to sweets.
9. I am quick to get angry but also quick to forgive.
10. I wipe my kids down in sanitizer every time we leave a public place.
11. Sometimes I am overcome with so much love for my family, my heart feels so full it will burst.

Questions I Was Asked To Answer (The first six are from Pippi and the last five are from Jimmy. Yes, it is not the normal rules but I never professed to be normal.):

1. What is one piece of advice you would give to your high school self? The only opinion that matters is your own.
2. What scares you? My family getting sick or hurt. Also, Gollum. That dude is creepy.
3. What’s your favorite dessert? Creme Brulee or Chocolate Mousse.
4. What makes you laugh? My Hubby, My Kids, My Mom without trying to
5. What boosts your confidence? Any honest compliment from my family
6. How do you like to spend a Friday night? Curled up with Hubby watching a movie or reading a good book.
7. If you could have 3 wishes, what would they be (and no, you can’t wish for more wishes cheater)? For my kids to grow up healthy and happy, For my Hubby and I to retire comfortably by age 50 and For world peace (of course).
8. Your favorite place to vacation? Anywhere with an ocean and a beach
9. The last person you thought deserved to be punched in the throat? The old woman who pointed her finger at me, then took my parking spot
10. What is your porn name (first name is the name of the very first pet you had, last name is the very first street you grew up on)? Midget Kelsey
11. What song do you know all the lyrics too? Whomp! There It Is!

Questions for Nominees To Answer:

1. When is the last time you did a 'happy dance'?
2. Would you rather be liked or respected?
3. What is your first memory?
4. What is your least favorite food?
5. What is your favorite holiday?
6. What is your biggest pet peev?
7. Have you ever ran a red light?
8. If you had an extra $200,000, what would you do with it?
9. What was your first car?
10. If you had two hours to yourself, what would you do? 
11. What is your favorite movie?

My nominations:

• The Traveling Circus 
• Gina Valley
• Looking For The Sweet Spot
• Cloudy With A Chance Of Wine
• Coffee House Mom
• Banter Burbia
• With A Little Love and Luck
• This Is Mommyhood
• Mannly Mama
• Life On The Sonny Side

'Twas The Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,

My children were acting like lunatics. Time to call in the spouse.

The stockings were haphazardly thrown on the mantle without care,

in hopes that Santa Claus would shove some stuff in there.

Hubby and I were trying to nestle our kids in their beds

But they kept using stall tactics instead.

But, finally, me in yoga pants and Hubby in sweats from the Gap,

Hoped we could get some quiet for at least a small nap.

When downstairs in the great room, we heard a loud noise!

We thought for sure it was one of the kids' toys.

Hubby and I did rock-paper-scissors to determine who would go see.

When, lo and behold, it turned out to be me.

The light from the kitchen gave a soft glow

So I could see clearly the first floor below.

Surely I'm not seeing what I think I see!

Some joker dressed in red under my tree.

He turned right around and I punched him in the face.

He yelled, "Good night, woman! You're a nut case!"

I said, "I'm not the one breaking and entering, fat man."

Santa said, "That IS what Santa does. It's part of the plan."

I took in his red outfit, his black boots and his huge pack.

I couldn't help wondering 'Does he have a bad back?'.

I said, "You don't look so good, old man. Here, have a seat."

Sighing, he said, "Going around the world in one night is no easy feat."

Running a hand over my face and sitting at the table,

I thought, "Am I really talking to Santa? I must be unstable."

I said, "Rest a minute, Santa. I'll pour you a glass of whatever we've got."

Santa said, "Do you have Corona Lite? I like that a lot."

We sat at the table. We sat there we two.

And we clinked our beer glasses and chugged down our brew.

I asked, "Santa, how do you do it each year?"

He chuckled and said, "Well, it can be tough when many people are without cheer."

I said, "So many people are grumpy, hateful, and downright mean."

Santa said, "Oh my dear! Some of which the likes you have never seen."

I said, "I take it you've seen some pretty horrible stuff."

He paused, then said, "Yes, I have. I have seen mankind act pretty rough."

Swirling the last of my beer in my glass,

I looked at Santa and dared to ask, "How can you do it with so many on the naughty list?"

Santa smiled at me and playfully hit my shoulder with his fist.

He said, "Because as long as there is at least one person in this world who cares about others,

I know there is hope for our daughters, sons, fathers and mothers."

This time, I looked, really looked at this old man in front of me.

My heart realized what it was that I see.

Santa wasn't merely a jolly old elf.

He was the best part of each person, the good inside of our self.

Smiling, I said, "Wow. You are not at all what I thought."

Chuckling, he said, "Yeah. I get that a lot."

I told him, "Next time, I won't punch you in the face."

He shrugged and said, "Well, at least it wasn't mace."

Santa picked up his pack and flung it over his shoulder.

Turning to look at me, he said, "Don't worry. You get wiser as you get older."

He continued saying, "Remember to look in your heart for what you know to be right.

And, mostly importantly, hold your husband and your children real tight."

Before I knew what I was doing, I gave Santa a hug.

He patted my head and told me, "And here, you thought I was a thug."

Opening the front door, I said, "Glad you stopped by."

Saluting me, Santa said, "I'm off!" and he took to the sky.

I watched as he jumped in the sleigh and took flight.

Wondering, 'Exactly how much beer did I have tonight?'

I heard Santa exclaim as he drove out of sight,

"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"

The Best Books of 2012

Since it is the season of giving, I thought I would get all of my loyal readers an awesome, Christmas gift.  That's right! *Waves.*

I want to get each of you The Clapper.  It's totally awesome, isn't it? The perfect gift.

How many times have you been in bed reading or watching TV, all comfy and cozy, then realize you have to get out of your snuggle pit to turn off the lights?  Annoying, isn't it?! If you had the clapper, all you'd have to do is clap your hands and PRESTO! The lights turn off and you can stay in your nice, warm bed.

Except, ahem, here's the thing. The clapper is not very expensive, however when you want to buy it for all of your readers it adds up.  Yes, if I bought one for all twelve of you, it would be a big chunk of change.

BUT DO NOT GET DISCOURAGED!

I am going to give you the next best thing!! I am going to give you my list of the best books for 2012.

Folks, there are not many things in this world better than a good book. When you are sitting down, all cozy with your coffee or tea, reading a good book that you cannot put down, it is a little slice of heaven!

If you need a good book to read, these are definitely the ones to grab off the shelf or download onto your e-reader.

After going through my "read" book list on Goodreads, I counted all of the books I read this year. Turns out, I have read 61 books this year.

NERD ALERT!!!

There were a lot of good books, a few horrible ones and several great ones.

Some of you may wonder how I read so many books with so little time to myself. Two things - 1) I'm a fast reader. Like read a book in four hours fast. and 2) I read until the wee hours of the morning. Who needs sleep anyway?!

I enjoy reading YA fiction. But, good YA fiction, like The Hunger Games or Harry Potter. 

All the books listed below had an element of romance and mystery or good vs. evil. Most of these books were either dystopia or science fiction.

So, in no particular order, here are the ones I thought were exceptional:

• Half-Blood by Jennifer L. Armentrout. This is the first book in the Covenant Series. Jennifer is a master at writing books that hook you and pull you in. She develops characters you respect and love, throwing in romance, mystery and bad-assedness along the way. (Yes, I said bad-assedness.) I have already read the first three books in the series if that tells you anything.
• Obsidian by Jennifer L. Armentrout. Another one by Jennifer! This is the first book in the Lux series. You guys! The romance in these books and the sexual tension in both series is crazy, yo! (P.S. it is a sweet romance, not trashy like 50 Shades of Grey.) I am currently on my third in this series.
• The Crown Of Embers by Rae Carson. This is the second book in the Fire and Thorns series. Rae creates a vivid world in which a very unlikely girl is put in a position of power and she learns about who she truly is along the way. This book is so well written and the hero is so wonderfully flawed, yet perfect, you will fall in love with her. And the romance, swoon, is so sweet and unexpected.
• Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo. This is the first book in the Grisha series. This is a dystopian society series and you know these are my favorite people!!  Another book with an unlikely heroine who you will fall in love with and see where she ends up.  The mystery, the desolation of the world they live in and the romance packs quite a punch.
• Pandemonium by Lauren Oliver. This is the second book in the Delirium series. In this series, love is considered a disease and you receive an operation at age 16 so you will never have to contract this horrible disease. If this premise doesn't grab you from the get go, then how about non-stop action and reluctant romance?
• A Beautiful Evil by Kelly Keaton. This is the second book in the Gods and Monsters series. Dystopian society! New twist on an old Greek myth! Romance! Good vs. Evil! I cannot say enough good things about this series. When I finished reading this book, I was so sad because it was over. I cannot wait until the next one comes out. I'm counting down the days.
• Under The Never Sky by Veronica Rossi. This is the first book in the Under The Never Sky Series. Loved this new take on a dystopian society series. The main character, Aria, runs into an outside, Perry, and they have to rely on one another to survive. In a word - Could Not Put It Down! (Okay, that was more than one word.) But it was excellent!!
• Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi. This is the first book in the Shatter Me series. This book is all kinds of awesome! It is part X-Men, part Say Anything, and part James Bond. You will love it! Trust me!!!
• For Darkness Shows The Stars by Diana Peterfruend. Just discovered this is going to be a series! *Squeeee!!* I am told this book is similiar to 'Pride and Prejudice' but I have never read Jane Austen so I'm not sure. But this book is so beautifully written.  So sweet. So heartbreaking. So romantic. You won't be able to put this one down.

If you have read one of these, let me know what you think. If you read one after my recommendation, I'd also like to hear your thoughts.

So dear readers, when you find yourself with a few minutes to yourself, grab one of these books, prop your feet up and get ready for your world to be rocked.

12 Days of Christmas: Mossey Style

Tis' the season.  The season for merriment.  For giving and getting gifts. For helping those less fortunate. For spending more time with your family.

*Contented sigh.*

I love Christmastime.  Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love the Christmas decorations, and the Christmas movies. Like "A Christmas Story", "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation", and "Elf". ("Santa! SANTA! I know him! I know him!") 

One of my most favorite things about Christmas are the Christmas carols. Some of my favorite ones are 'Jingle Bell Rock', 'Mary Did You Know?', 'Carol of the Bells' and 'Little Drummer Boy'. And, say what you will, when Mariah Carey's 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' comes on, I turn that stuff up and shake my money maker.

Alright, I pretty much love all Christmas carols, except for 'Feliz Navidad'.

Cheese and biscuits! Do I hate that song. One year, my cousin sang the song over and over and OVER - about 348 times. He sang it as "Fleas on my Dog'.  To this day, that is how is sounds to me. (Yep, it's in your head now too. You're welcome.)

This got me thinking that I could share a little of our family Christmas with you.

So, without further ado, here's the 12 Days of Christmas: Mossey Style.

12Pack of Blue Moon

11Peanut Butter Balls eaten daily

10People I wanted to punch in the mall parking lot

9Ornaments broken by the kids

8Presents bought online 

7People I forgot to send Christmas cards

6Times the tree fell over

5POUNDS I'VE GAINED!!!

4Attempts at making fudge

3Family members arguing

2Kids scared of Santa

AND

1Giant credit card bill!

Okay, so this list isn't exactly how my Christmas plays out, however parts of it, oh there are parts of it, that are absolutely true. But, I'll leave that to you to figure out. *Mwahahaha!*

Hope you have a wonderful Christmas holiday surrounded by good food and people you love. Because, really, that is all that matters.

Is There A Problem, Officer?

Your friendly neighborhood police officer!

How's your driving? Would you say you are a good driver?

I think I am a good driver. I have not had a driving infraction for over a decade. (Hey, you in the back saying you have never had a ticket, be quiet. No one wants to hear from you.)

"But, Michelle," you say, "didn't you run into your mom's car in the driveway a couple of months ago?"

You crash into one car in a driveway and suddenly you been labeled. Cheese and biscuits!

Let's just agree to leave that minor occurrence off the books, shall we?

As I was saying, I think I am a good driver. I have not gotten pulled over for speeding or anything like that 10 plus years.

Until a week ago.

After leaving the pediatrician's office to discover both boys had ear infections, I was on my way to the pharmacy to get their prescriptions filled. On my way there, I was pulled over.

Me: *Pulls car over. Rolls down window.* Is there a problem, officer?

Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: *Blinking rapidly.* Um, was I speeding?

Officer: *Pointing.* You failed to stop at that stop sign back there.

Me: Really?!

Officer: You thought you stopped at the stop sign?

Me: *Sheepish.* Yes, I did.

Officer: No, ma'am. You slowed down but did not stop.

Me: I'm so sorry, officer. *Holds up kids prescriptions.* My kids are sick and I was taking them to get their medicine. I guess my mind was elsewhere. I am so sorry.

Officer: It happens. Can I see your license and registration?

Me: *Hands information over.* Here you go, officer. 

Officer: *Returns to my car after a couple of minutes.* Here is your information back.

Me: Okay. I am so sorry, officer.

Officer: It happens. I am not going to give you a ticket today but I am going to give you a notice. Just pay more attention in the future.

Me: I will thank you, officer.

And before you say it, yes, I did take out the boys prescriptions and wave them around. I'm not ashamed! I didn't have to pretend to be a mom out of sorts. That was FOR REAL!

So, after this humbling experience, I make sure I come to a complete stop at a stop sign every. single. time.  

And you know what I noticed? Nobody else does!

At a four way stop, I watch the other drivers and nine out of ten do a 'California roll'. They slow down and never completely come to a full stop.

And you know what else I noticed? People get mad at me for coming to a complete stop. I glance in my rear view mirror and people are angrily gesturing at me or shaking their head impatiently.

Holy cow, you guys! I am obeying the traffic laws and people are getting hacked at me! What's that deal?!

Sad truth is I used to be one of these people who would get mad at people coming to a complete stop or going the speed limit on a major road.

I've decided I'm not going to be that person anymore. It might seem like something small but it is starting somewhere.

So, thank you, Mr. Police Officer, for pulling me over and making me do a little soul searching. (And also thank you for not giving me a ticket. Otherwise, it would be Merry Christmas kids! You got a speeding ticket!)

I'm Kind Of A Big Deal

My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard...

I don't know if you know it but I am kinda a big deal. It's true.

I even have my own groupies that follow me around, screaming my name.

"Mama!" "Mama!" "MAMA!!"

I have my own little crew. Posse, if you will.

They want to be around me. They always want to be by my side. They swarm me everyday. EVERY. DAY.

Still not convinced? Let me introduce...

EXHIBIT A. They constantly want to be near me. It doesn't matter where I am or what I am doing. I can be in the bathroom. They bust in and try to climb on my lap to give me a hug, all the while screaming my name. Folks, if someone sees you on the throne and still thinks you are swoon worthy, then you are definitely the bees-knees.

Still don't have you seeing what's in front of your face? Well, let me present...

EXHIBIT B. They always want to love on me. All the time, I hear, "Mama, hold me!" "Mama, come sit by me." "Mama, don't let go!" "Mama, cuddle with me."  They even wake up in the middle of the night feverish with needing to be close to me. So much so, they bust into my room at 2am to climb into bed with me and cuddle. Even with my bed head and dragon breath, they still think I am sparkly awesome. Take THAT, Edward Cullen.

Oh. I see you came to play. You have your "game face" on, eh? Well, this last one will for sure convince you. Let me give you...

EXHIBIT C. I can make them smile. "Oh, that's easy," you say. Really? Do your groupies get so excited to see you each time you re-enter the room that they rush to you, jump into your arms and scream your name?  It doesn't matter where I go or for how long I am gone. I could be gone for 17 seconds to take out the trash. When I get back, they immediately notice my presence and their whole face lights up. *Drops mic.*

See, I told you I was kinda a big deal. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Er, well, actually, it's more like 'My Chocolate Milk Brings All The Babies To the Living Room'.

But whatever, people. Whatever. Haters gonna hate.

*Pops collar. Puts on sunglasses. Walks out.*

Caillou Gets Schooled

Hello everybody! *Waves.* I know it's been a while since I've posted anything on the blog.

See, I was sick with a stomach virus. (It was worse than death. Would not have wished it upon my worst enemy.)  

Then both boys got ear infections and had to take Amoxicillan (sp?). And this medicine does bad, bad, BAD things to may baby's stomach. *Shudders.*

Then we celebrated Thanksgiving. (Yes, Thanksgiving day was quite lovely. Thanks for asking.)

Then, the day after Thanksgiving, Baby L got the stomach virus. (It was bad news. Let's put it this way. I'm thinking of a word that rhymes with "comet".)

And last, but not least, Hubby got the stomach virus as well. My poor sick Hubby!

*Sigh.* But you probably don't want to hear about all that. (Or maybe you do. You bunch of sickos. Hey, don't be upset! Sickos are my favorite type of people.)

Anyway, earlier this week I tweeted about Caillou and how he drives me looney.  I got a bunch of responses so it seems like there is a mass shared annoyance when it comes to this whiny, mean, bald-headed 4 year old kid.

So, I started thinking. (I know. Scary stuff, eh?) I thought that if I DID have to watch Caillou, then there might be a few episodes I could stomach.

• Caillou Gets Schooled. In this episode, after once again yelling, "No Rosie!" in his sister's face, she pops him in the nose.  Then, Rosie says, "NO CAILLOU!", then she smiles and walks out.
• Mommy Screams at Caillou. Here's the deal. Caillou's mom NEVER gets upset. That is not reality. It's so unrealistic. I mean let's see some realism like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Anyway, in this episode, after once again yelling and being mean to Rosie, his mom snaps and says, "That's it, Caillou! I am tired of you talking to your sister that way! You go straight to your room and do not come out until I say so!" Then, she promptly scoops up Rosie to give her a hug, then poors herself a glass of wine.
• Caillou Goes to the Doctor. In this episode, Daddy takes Caillou to the doctor to see why a HEALTHY FOUR YEAR OLD BOY HAS NO HAIR.
• Daddy Puts Caillou in Time Out. In this episode, after playing outside with his family, Rosie wants to play with Rexie. Caillou snatches it out of her hands and screams, "No Rosie! Rexie is my toy!" Daddy walks over and promptly snatches it back from Caillou and says, "That is unacceptable Caillou! You do not speak to your sister that way. You go sit on the bench for time-out."  Daddy then turns to Rosie, gives her a hug and says, "I'm sorry Caillou was mean. Let's go get you a banana split and a unicorn."

If I HAD to watch Caillou, I think I could stomach the episodes listed above.

What about you?  Do you have a soft spot for Caillou? Or does he chaff something fierce?

Memory? What Memory?

This is your brain before kids...

People who have kids can divide their lives into two parts - Before Kids and After Kids.

Before kids, I was a different person than I am now.  Not necessarily better or worse, just different.  (Even though, I'd like to think I am a more patient person now that I have kids.)

You see, before kids, I was forgetful. (You thought I was going to say I had a good memory? Ah, no. I am going to give it to you straight, pilgrim. I am going to shoot from the hip. I am going... *Ahem.* I got carried away there.)

As I was saying, before kids, I was forgetful.  I would excitedly begin to tell Hubby a story when he interrupts by saying, "Michelle, you have told me this story five times already."

To which I would snap, "Well, just pretend like it's the first time you're hearing it!"

Now, after kids, I am still forgetful.  I make a grocery list and get home to realize I have forgotten half of the things on my list. Also, everytime I go to the grocery, I think we need more mustard. I get home and we already have four bottles of mustard. We don't even use mustard! WHO DOES THIS?!

I also lose my train of thought. Do you like cheese? I love all kinds of cheeses....

What was I saying?  Oh right!

I would like to think that some of the few memory brain cells that were still effective passed on to my children during birth.

On Halloween, we watch a five minute cartoon clip about a square pumpkin saving a scarecrow who is in danger of being burned by fire. They only watched five minutes because I quickly realized this may be too scary for the boys so I changed the channel.

Last night, J says, "Mama, can you tell me about the pumpkin that saves the scarecrow?"

Whaaa??  He remembers that crazy little clip that he saw weeks ago! He saw it only one time. One. Time. I can't remember things I've seen a million times! Except for my uncanny ability to remember actors, the movies they starred in and movie quotes. Yeah for useless talents!

Hooray! The few memory brain cells that did still work passed on to my kids.  This makes me feel better. I may not have all my mental ducks in a row but my boys do.

Fast forward to this morning, Baby L is playing with Legos as he has a MILLION times before. He knows he is not supposed to put things in his mouth. Baby L decides to stick a small one in this mouth.

Okay, so we may need to revise my previous statement.  Maybe both my boys didn't get all of my working memory cells. 

Let's just say the "jury's still out'.

But My Scarf Is Really Cute

Last Thursday, I woke up extra early to get ready for the day.  I got up in plenty of time to get dressed before the kids woke up.  I even put on full make-up AND picked out a cute scarf.

I know. I am your hero.

Anyway, I got the kids up, breakfast and out the door to take J to preschool. After dropping of J and getting a few big hugs, Baby L and I were off like a herd of turtles.

First stop, the library!  Picked up my books from the hold shelves, then headed over to the kids area so Baby L could play for a few minutes.

The librarian raised an eyebrow as if to say "I see you stepped it up a notch today, mama. Nice work." I greeted her with a warm hello.  I was feeling sassy with a fully made up face and a super cute scarf.

After letting Baby L play for about 20 minutes, I scooped him up with minimal protest and headed to the car.

Next stop, the grocery.

I decided to go to the super Kroger so I could treat myself to some Starbucks coffee.  They also have a really big toy section AND they give kids cookies.  See! I told you it was super.
 
After entering the store, I strap Baby L into the car cart and begin our adventure. (Yes, the LARGE cart with the car at the end. I am aware everyone loves the car cart. But if it buys me five minutes of peace, I'm gonna do it!)

White chocolate mocha. Check!

Free sugar cookie for Baby L. Check!

Checking out the extra large toy section. Check!

Life is good. I am drinking my coffee.  Enjoying myself. Feeling cute and sassy with my make-up and beautiful scarf. And did I mention I even wore knee high boots?!?!

So, I let Baby L peruse the toys for a while, then I hand him a monster truck to look at while I finish shopping.

I need to grab a few things like bread, milk, bacon, cheese and beer. Why beer? Because, well, I have children.

Anyway, the beer is the last thing to go into the cart on the way to the cashier. 

After loading all of my items onto the conveyer belt, the beer is the last to be placed up there.

The young cashier greets me warmly. He asks how I am doing and smiles at Baby L.

He scans all of my items and hands them to the bag boy.  He gets to the beer and runs it over the scanner.

Anticipating the request for my ID, I take out my driver's license and wait for him to ask to see it.

After scanning the beer, he turns his head and yells to the Customer Service desk, "I need someone to ring up this beer." I realize he is under 21 so he needs to have someone else ring up the alcohol.

I say, "Do you need to see my ID?"

He says, "No, that's okay."

Whaaa?? You don't need to see my ID?? Are you sure?!?! But my scarf is really cute! And I have on mascara and blush!

I say, "Oh, Okay."  and place my ID back into my wallet. 

Fine! I am older than twenty-one. I am not a spring chicken. But you know what?! I have knowledge! And wisdom! And two sweet baby boys! And a great husband! And I have a mortgage! Okay, well, the mortage is NOT quite so great. But you get the idea.

So, admittedly my ego was wounded that he did not ask for my ID.

But I my make-up DID look good. AND my scarf was really cute.

I'm In Training

Bet you didn't know I'm in training?

*Looks around. Whispers.* I didn't know it either.

Wait! Don't go anywhere! Yes, I am a bit crazy...okay fine! I'm a lot crazy but hear me out.

You see, everyday, I give it my all. I strive for 100%. My daily regime may give even the most disciplined athlete pause. I want to be the best - the fastest actually.

If you are a parent, chances are you are also in training to be the fastest.

"But Michelle," you say, "the fastest at what?"

In short, the fastest at EVERYTHING.

Each day, I train diligently to be the best at:

• World's Fastest Bather
• World's Fastest Eater
• World's Fastest Drinker
• World's Fastest Nose Blower
• World's Fastest Shoe Tie-er
• World's Fastest Pooper
• World's Fastest Pee-er
• World's Fastest Writer
• World's Fastest Reader
• World's Fastest Shopper
• World's Fastest Dresser
• World's Fastest Cleaner
• World's Fastest Bill Payer
• World's Fastest Diaper Changer
• World's Fastest Dishwasher
• World's Fastest Teethbrusher

I know. It is an extensive list and you marvel at my commitment and dedication to such an extreme goal of being the fastest at almost everything.

And, I'm sure many of you out there would be excellent competitors for the title of "World's Fastest".

But, just so you know, you will be going up against who takes this very seriously. (It took me 48 seconds to write this post. *Shirt pop.*)

7 Signs That You're Ready To Be a Parent

For those of you without kids, you may wonder when is the right time to have kids.  How will you know when is the perfect time?

Well, let me tell you!

 

There is never a perfect time to have kids.

There is always going to be something you wish you had or something you wish you did or something you wish you had more of.

If people waited until the perfect time, as a species, we would die out.

HOWEVER....

There are some signs that will let you know that you are ready to be a parent.

7 Signs That You're Ready To Be A Parent

7. Your social life ends at 8pm.

6. You don't mind being covered in food or other people's bodily fluids.

5. You admire Hurricane Sandy's decoration skills and think you may redo your home in this decor.

4. You feel a certain kinship with those people featured on Hoarders.

3. You consider Barney, the Wiggles and Dora "just good television".

2. You think "dressing up" consists of brushing your teeth AND putting on deodorant.

1. You believe sleep is overrated and are comfortable with 4 hours of sleep a night.

So, if you are experiencing some of these signs then congratulations! You are ready to be a parent! (That or you are a bit crazy.)

Wait a minute... Crazy? Parents? They just might be the same thing....

I Don't Even Like Ham

One afternoon while Baby L was napping, Jeff and I were hanging out in our room with J. We were watching PBS.

I adore PBS.  They have great non-violent, educational cartoons for the kids and they have a lot of great programming for adults. Jeff and I like their nature shows and their musical performances.

This particular day, we were watching a biography on The Mamas and The Papas.

J was playing with some toys and wasn't really watching the TV.  Every once and a while, he would look up and watch for a minute, then go back to playing.

At one point, the biography showed The Mamas and The Papas up on stage singing.  J looks up at the TV and listens to them sing for a minute.

J: *Pointing at the TV.* That looks like you, Mama.

Me: What?!  Who looks like me?

J: *Walks up to TV and points to Mama Cass.* You look like her.

Jeff: *Sprawled out on the bed. Roaring with laughter.*

Me: *Stifling a laugh.* You think I look like her?! I don't look like her!

Jeff: *Now howling with laughter with tears streaming down his face.*

J: *Smiling. Looking from Jeff to me. Starts laughing.*

Me: *Rolls my eyes. Shakes my head.* I'm gonna get you, J!

My baby thinks I look like Mama Cass!!  OMG! This is the lady that is rumored to have choked on a ham sandwich.  No disrespect but this lady was a really huge lady! There is no way I look like her. I don't even like ham!
 
Okay folks, I know I have not returned to the glory days of my pre-baby body shape but I'm only a few pounds above my previous weight post-baby. (Granted things sit a little differently. *Ahem.*) But I am no where near her size!

Why would my sweet boy say that to me?! Maybe to get me fired up?  If so, it worked! Maybe to be funny? It made Jeff roar with laughter. (What a little comedian!)

I believe he was talking about her hair. We both have similar hair styles - long and dark brown. At least I THINK that's what he meant.  

Let's go with that.

Just Couldn't Help It

Many years ago, when Jeff and I first got married, we did not have the luxury automobiles we do today. (Okay, I'm really overselling my Toyota but still.) Back then, we had older, more mature *ahem* rides.

Hubby had a little Nissan pick-up truck with no air conditioner that we loving referred to as 'The Little Mule'. Pretty reliable little truck that he got in his first year of college.

I had a maroon Grand Am that I inherited from my mom. When I first got this car, I was so pumped. I thought I was the bees knees. I mean I was getting rid of my Chevy Nova (don't be jealous) for this sweet ride.

Then I started to drive the Grand Am. And realized why she gave it to me.

Don't get me wrong. It was a hundred times better than the Nova that did not like idling at a red light. But it did give me a lot of grief.

So shortly after buying our first home, we decided it was time to trade in the Grand Am for something more reliable.

We searched and searched.  We looked online and compared prices. We went to dealerships and test drove cars.  We knew we wanted something new but not real expensive.  

Finally, we decided on a make, model and color.  We take it for a test drive and decide we'd like to make an offer.

(While waiting on the salesperson to come back with the quote) Jeff: Let me do the negotiating.

Me: Sure, sweetie.

Jeff: I am going to try and get the best deal we can.  I'm going to make them work for it.

Me: Do you think we will get anything for the Grand Am?

Jeff: They won't want to give us much. But I'll work on that too.

So, after waiting for our salesperson to come back with the details after "talking it over with the manager to get the lowest price" (what a scam), the salesperson returns to the office with quote in hand.

Jeff is stoic.  He is not this guy's buddy.  He's got his game face on.

Salesperson: Well, I spoke to my manager.  I told him that I wanted to get you the lowest price possible. *Slides the paper over the desk to us. Points.* This is the price we are willing to offer you today.  We took off this amount here and lowered the amount here.

Jeff: And what about the Grand Am?

Salesperson: *Attempting an earnest look.*  My boss wasn't happy about it but I told him I wanted to give you two the best I could.  We'll give you $2000 for the trade-in.

Me: *Blurts out.* That's a great deal!!!

Jeff: *Glances at me like he wants to strangle me. Looks back to the salesperson.* Well, I'd feel much better about the whole thing if you take $500 off. Then you'd have a deal.

Salesperson: *Scribbles on paper. Sticks out his hand.* You have a deal.

Jeff: *Stands up and shakes his hand.*

Me: *I do the same.*

Salesperson: I'll be right back. I'm going to go get the paperwork. *Leaves the office.*

Jeff: *Turns to look at me.* Michelle!  What are you thinking?! What part of "let me take care of it" did you not understand?!

Me: *Sheepish.* Sorry. It's just I thought we would hardly get anything for the Grand Am and then he said he was going to give us $2000!!! I got excited and it just popped out. I just couldn't help it.

Jeff: *Running hand through his hair.* Gee whiz. (Except it was probably more profane but I don't remember the exact words so let's just go with "gee whiz".) Here I am trying to be a hard-a and then you are all, *mockingly* "That's a great deal!!"

Me: *Putting a hand over my mouth to stifle a laugh.* I'm so sorry, honey.  I think you did manage to get us a really good deal. AND you made him take $500 more off the price.

Jeff: Well, I had to do that to save face.  Goodnight woman!

Me: Well, this will sure make for a funny story some day.

Jeff: *Shakes his head.*

And folks, luck you, that someday is today! 

Jeff wised up and the next time we needed a new car, Jeff went by himself to get it.

What can I say?! It was a great deal! I just couldn't help myself.

Princess For A Day

One day last week, I think it was Tuesday, I was having a hard day.  

The kids were playing the "let's see who can send Mommy over the little edge she is hovering on" game.  

Both boys were sick. I was sick.

The boys were uber whiny.  I was whiny.

The boys were crabby.  I was crabby.

Well...you get the idea.

Anyway, it was late afternoon and I was fighting my 3' to 5' o clock slump. (Anyone else feel this way?  This time of day is when you would like to just 'stop drop and sleep'. You think to yourself, "I've never in my life been this tired! Should I risk staying up late by drinking some coffee now? What are the chances the kids would let me take a quick cat nap? There is no way I can make it until bedtime.")

J: *Grabs my hand. Pulls me towards the stairs.*  Come on, Mama! I want to show you something.

Me: *Sighing. Scooping up Baby L.* Okay, what do you want to show me?

Once we get to the top of the stairs, J tugs on my arm, pulling me towards the end of the hallway.

We stop at the end of the hallway. In front of us hangs our wedding picture.

J: *Pointing.* Look Mama.

Me: *Putting Baby L down on the floor.* Yes, J. That's Mommy and Daddy's wedding picture.  That is a picture of when we got married.

J: Where was I?

Me: You were not born yet. You were still with Jesus in Heaven.

J: Before I was in your belly and I was born?

Me: *Rubbing his head.* That's right J.

J: *Points again.* Look at your pretty dress, Mama.  You are a princess.

Me: *Teary eyed. Hugging J.* Oh, thank you, sweetie.  That is so nice of you to say Mommy looks like a princess.  I felt like a princess that day.

J: You look beautisul.

Me: *Sniff.* That is so sweet.  Thank you, my sweet boy.

J runs off in search of his brother.  He finds him in his room.  Both boys commence jumping on J's bed.  (J's mattress is currently on the ground so I don't worry about the boys jumping.)

As I lean against the door frame, watching my two little guys jump, giggle and play, I realize that what started out as a rough day, turned into a really great one.  All because of J's sweet, innocent, loving comments about me in my wedding dress.

I was princess for a day.  And that felt wonderful.  Our wedding day was absolutely perfect.

But standing here.  Looking at my kids. Watching them play. Hearing them laugh. Feeling so much love for them. 

I'm thinking that being a mom feels pretty great too.

The Love Hate Relationship

Remember when you brought your baby home from the hospital?

Remember how excited, scared, nervous, in-awe and madly in love you felt with your little one?

If you were like me, you watched them like a hawk.

Every little peep - I'm on it.

Every little squawk - I'm there.

Then, they start to sit up. So, you surround them with pillows in case they get a mean lean and end up falling over.

Then they start to crawl around. So, you crawl around at eye level to see what they see so you can baby proof the house from a one and a half foot perspective.

Then they start to walk.  So, you work on putting up a blockade to the stairs and all sharp corners.

And you find out your pregnant again.  You have the second baby, your second love of your life, second bringer of light to your heart.

You are exhausted.  You no longer have time to hang on their every whim and attend to their every whimper.

You try.  But there is only one of you.  And two of them. (Then three. Or four. Or five. Or...I don't think I can count that high...

(Now for moms who have more than two kids - I applaud you. Seriously. My two boys are the loves of my life and I am so happy to have them. But two is our limit. Hubby and I are sticking with man-to-man defense.  Anymore kids and we would have to go to zone. The two of us are less effective that way.)

After one kid, you find yourself a bit more lax than when you only had one child.  Some things don't worry you as much as they used to.  You find with more than one kid that you cherish any quiet time you can get.  

So if the kids are quietly playing with something that will not maim or kill them, you will snatch that moment like a fat kid eating cake.  Greedily devouring it.

See, there are toys that I have a love hate relationship with.  My kids love them so it occupies them for a while which means I too love them.  But I also hate these toys because the aftermath is brutal.

• PlayDoh.  Oh PlayDoh!  Why must you mess with my emotions, you gooey substance, you.  My kids will play with you for 30 minutes at a time (which is an eternity in toddler/preschool time).  However, you never seem to entirely end up in your cases.  I find you in giant rock like clumps around the house.  Or better yet, I find you ground into my carpet.  Grrr...
• Trains. I know. You're thinking, "Why trains?" Well, I'm so glad you asked.  I say trains because all of the tracks never end up back in the box.  Wanna know how I find the missing pieces?  I end up stepping on it. I stepped on a piece of the train bridge 4 months ago and my foot it still gimpy.  No lie.
• Balloons. My kids love to play with balloons. You can buy a bag of balloons at the dollar store, blow them up at home and BAM! Instant kid party!  They love to throw them in the air, run through them laughing and kicking.  They REALLY love playing with balloons.  The downside is that at some point along the way, one of them will lose their mind and try to eat the balloon.  This results in me taking and popping all the balloons with everyone screaming in the background.  Good times.
• Nerf gun. I believe you see where this is headed.  J (soon to be 4) plays with his "dart shooter" (as he calls it) and will play happily by himself for a while.  Then, he gets bored and seeks out other people to shoot (i.e. mama or little brother, L).  Once one of us get a dart to the face, I end up taking it away which results in a bit of drama. (Okay, it results in A LOT of drama.)

In the end, you weigh each side.  I can get 30 minutes of quiet play time right now, if I am willing to have 5 minutes of crying later.  Hmmm, decisions, decisions....

What about you?  Are there toys with which you have a love hate relationship?

The Sunshine Award

The Sunshine Award is an award given to bloggers by other fellow bloggers.  People who love to blog like I do decided to give me The Sunshine Award which is why it makes it so special.

I am honored to have received this award twice from two great fellow bloggers - Deanna of Little Green Bow and The Vintage Boomer. Thanks so much ladies!

With the Sunshine Award, you must answer 10 questions about yourself, then you must nominate 10 bloggers to receive the award.  Leave a comment on their blog letting them know they are a recipient.

1. Favorite Color? Red. I like it because it's sassy and demands attention.
2. Favorite Animal? Platypus. It's like God had all of these spare parts and just decided to throw them together and said, "Let's see what they make of this!"
3. Favorite Number? I'd have to say 4 because that is the size of my little family. (I know. I'm getting emotional right now too...)
4. Favorite Drink? Hmm, non-alcoholic would have to be McDonald's Coke. (I know. It's bad for you.) Alcoholic drink? Well, you can't beat a good margarita.
5. Facebook or Twitter? For serious?! Like it's even a contest! Twitter - hands down. However, I log on to take a quick look then one hour later....
6. Good Book or Good Movie? There is nothing like getting lost in a good book. And a good series!  A good dystopian series!!!  Forget about it! So much better than tv or movie.
7. Your Passion? This one is tricky.  At this time in my life, I am passionate about my kids. I want help them grow into compassionate, hard-working, God loving men.  I am also passionate about literacy.  I think it is important that we help ALL children learn to read.
8. Giving or Getting Presents? I love giving presents to my kids.  It is so neat to see the joy on their faces when they open a present they have been wanting.
9. Favorite Day? Since I'm a SAHM, I'd say all days are the same.  How about Thursday?  I bet Thursday doesn't get a lot of love.
10. Favorite Flower? The Moth Orchid.  In white. So pretty!

*Drum roll please...*  Here are just a few of the spectacular bloggers out in the blogosphere who I think deserve the Sunshine Award. (Some you may have heard of, others are new ones to check out!!)

*Ain't No Mom Jeans

*Crappy Pictures

*Bad Parenting Moments

*Airing My Dirty Laundry, One Sock At A Time

*Fadderly 

*Adventures with Captain Destructo 

*Fancy Feet 

*Dad Vs. Spawn 

*Life On Peanut Layne

*The Caffeinated Chronicles of Supermom

That's My Foot You Just Drove Over

Growing up my brother played baseball, basketball and football.  It seemed like we were always running around taking him to some sort of practice or a game.

And we were always late. (Hmm, wonder where I get that from...)

One particular day, we were running late to baseball practice (as usual). Trying to get out the door with all my brother's baseball stuff. Not to mention my brother and myself.

This was my Dad's weekend so he was driving us.

Now, my Dad can only hear out of one ear - his left ear. He doesn't tell people as I guess he doesn't want anyone to know. He's good at reading lips so you'd really never know.

So, we are all piling into the car.  My brother jumps into the front seat and slams the door.  As I am opening the back door to climb inside, Dad starts the car and takes off.  He drives over my foot - my right foot.

It was like time slowed down, everything was in slow motion.

I looked at the car driving away.  I looked back at my foot.  I looked back at the car, then back at my foot.

My brain was having a hard time understanding what my eyes were seeing.  I suddenly understand. That's my foot you just drove over!

What felt like an eternity but was really probably just eight seconds, I realized what happened and screamed like a banshee.

Looking in the rear view mirror, my dad also realizes what happened and he immediately reverses the car and jumps out to see how bad I'm hurt.

Dad: Shelly!  Oh my gosh! Are you okay? I thought you were in the car! I'm so sorry.

Me: *Crying.* No, I'm not okay, Dad!  You just ran over my foot!

Dad:  Expletive! Expletive! Expletive!

 

Me: *Still crying.*

 

About this time, our next door neighbor who doesn't give two flying acorns about us, comes over to ask if I am okay.  (I'm on to you, lady!  You just want some good gossip. Go back inside, you mean hag!)

 

Dad: She hurt her foot.

 

Mean hag: *Feigning concern.* Are you okay, dear? I saw what happened.

  

Dad: *Running hand over his face.* We'll get her checked out. She'll be okay. (To me.) Alright, we'll take your brother to practice, then we'll head to the urgent treatment center.  Let me help you in the car.

 

So, Dad helps me into the backseat, then dives into the front seat. (This time he makes SURE I am in the car before driving off. *Ahem.*)

 

After dropping my brother off at practice, we head to the urgent treatment center. 

Dad keeps looking at me in the rear view mirror asking if I am alright.  He looks like someone stole his lunchbox as I can tell he feels horrible about running over my foot.

At this point, I am not longer crying as my foot now has a dull ache but not a sharp shooting pain as I had initially.

Upon limping into the urgent treatment center and filling out the forms, we sit and wait for us to be called back.

(Once we are back in the room waiting on the doctor) Dad: *Shifting nervously from foot to foot.* Um, Shelly. Let's not tell the doctor I ran over your foot with the car.

Me: *Looking at my foot, then looking at Dad.* Dad, I'm wearing white Keds. You can see the tire marks. I think it's pretty obvious.

At this point, Dad looks like he is going to hurl. I don't know if he thinks they will cart him off to the big house for running over my foot or what.

The doctor comes in and takes a look at my foot.  After an x-ray, miracle of all miracles, he confirms it is sprained, but not broken.  *Whew.*  He tells me I need to stay off it for a while and gives me some crutches to use.

On Monday, at school, everyone wants to know what happened to my foot.  You can imagine how funny folks thought this was.  This was such an awesome thing to happen my senior year.  One for the books I imagine.

Well, at least I earned some street cred.

Okay, I'm lying about the last part.  But it did make for spinning a good yarn.